With Daylight Saving Time coming to an end on Saturday, insomniacs up and down the country are looking forward to another hour lying awake in bed staring at the ceiling.
'I count sheep,' said Dave, a lifelong insomniac. 'I average about one sheep a second and in a normal night I count a flock of thirty-two thousand, four-hundred sheep. When the clocks go back, the flock swells to thirty-six thousand sheep,' he said. 'When I get up, I imagine letting the flock escape to new pastures,' he added.
'I count illegal immigrants,' said Ralph, a Reform councillor, admitting that he counts one a second as well. 'I don't waste them like Dave,' he said, 'I add them to the Reform illegal immigrant watch list used in all our publicity. That's how we claim nearly twelve million illegals arriving by boat each year,' he added.
Dave rubbed his eyes at Ralph's claims, not believing that his shared trauma could be used to weaponise their shared affliction. 'You imagine immigrants and use the results to falsify your claims?' he asked. 'I don't know how you sleep at night,' he said.
Image credit: perchance.org
'Wot you mean, that doesn't actually create any more daylight? So wot's the point, then? If you want more daylight during the time of day while you're awake and out and about, why not just get up earlier during the summer, instead of just pissing about with the clocks, trying to fool yourself?'
Man subsequently arrested for being a shit-stirring troublemaker, and imprisoned along with the small boy who dared to criticise the styling of the emperor's superb new clothes, as well as the Chancellor who claimed that debt isn't debt and broken election promises aren't broken election promises if you cross your fingers while announcing a budget.