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TV execs defend decision to show man’s cognitive decline


In one of the cruellest examples of public exploitation a 79 year old man’s cognitive decline has been broadcast worldwide despite obvious signs that his mind is wandering.


'It’s human interest TV’, one exec told NewsBiscuit. ‘We need to take dementia out of the closet and show the world what to watch out for. When we started this series, Don was mildly impaired. As time has gone on his condition has inevitably worsened. It’s a cruel disease but makes compelling TV. The ratings are out of this world’.


Don’s children fiercely defend the decision to put him on national television. ‘He always loved the limelight’, one told us. ‘He used to have his own TV show. Yes, really. Hard to believe but this drooling imbecile used to have real clout’.


The TV stations give Don hours of airtime which he spends rambling about the ocean - sharks eating plastic straws, windmills making whales crazy, the benefits of electrocution at sea compared with shark attacks. He also insults foreigners, egged on by a group of carers who sometimes join in – and fantasises about winning a Nobel Prize. In one episode he was handed a phony ‘Peace Prize’ which he proudly displayed, looking increasingly like a Father Jack tribute act.


The last word should go to Don himself, while he still has speech: ‘I look at London where they have a terrible Mayor. Terrible, terrible Mayor. And it’s been so changed. So changed. Now they want to go to Sharia law. I guess they want to kill all the cows. We have a border, strong. And we have a shape. And that shape doesn’t just go straight up. That shape is amorphous, when it comes to the atmosphere’.


Wise words



Has-Been Habits Museum educates citizens


The Has-Been Habits Museum, a museum of habits no longer strictly observed, is planned to be built near London if funding is found. A possible location could be an old medieval castle.


The British are known for their politeness and respect for others. Although they can be reserved at times, they are nevertheless full of genuine kindness and understanding, with a touch of humour. This has always been the case, but has anything changed over time? Is there even a noticeable change in the direction of rudeness?


‘Yes, it is, it really is. No citizen with healthy eyesight and perception can fail to notice this,’ says etiquette and behaviour expert, Monsieur Mylan Dupond, of French origin. ’For this reason, I am seeking funding for a new educational institution whose mission is to remind people of good old-fashioned, responsible behaviour.’


Monsieur Dupond doesn't reveal all the details, but he does mention one of the most important ones publicly. It has to do with the declining queuing culture: 'The Queueing Simulator: An interactive exhibit where visitors practice standing in a perfectly straight, silent line for absolutely no reason at all.’


The plans also include The Gallery of Vanishing Social Graces, The Hall of Hats, a swear-free zone, and a comprehensive afternoon tea menu that politely takes into account all members of the party.

 

The museum doesn't just rely on examples from the past. The museum's souvenir shop sells ‘passive-aggressive messages’ to neighbours who leave their trash out for too long—a modern evolution of these ‘lost’ habits.


Critics of the project noted the omission of tutting. And raised eyebrows.



Hat tip to writingbsl



Image created with the help of Gemini AI


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