- stewartbarclay
- Aug 19, 2022
Anticipating that brown envelopes full of cash may dry up once he is ejected from No. 10, Boris Johnson is working with computer game developers on something new and original.
Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'Your character is Prime Minister and faces serious real-world challenges. However you get points for charging around causing chaos, partying, getting laid and lining the pockets of you and your mates.'
Game developer Luke Lyle said 'I renamed Untitled Goose Game, and took their money.'
Hootington-Hurst continued 'Turns out, we've changed one letter from an existing game. Now an 'E' instead of a 'U'. Suella Braverman's legal view is that it's all the EU's fault anyway. Anyone who says otherwise is an enemy of the people.'
Lyle did not anticipate an enquiry into the money spent. 'What are the Tories going to do? Track and Trace me?'
Following reports that NASA have 'got around to updating' its Mars Rover operating system, only 18 years since the last update, tech experts in the NHS have considered following suit. 'We knew our Windows 98 software was in need of an update and felt the systems were in danger of being hacked by Nigerian fraudsters,' said a NASA spokesman today, 'so we uploaded the 2004 April patch. It took hours, not because Mars is so far away, but because, well, it's Windows.'
IT experts working for the NHS have concluded that such an update is possible. 'If we update the central server to a Pentium and fit a CD drive we might be able to load Windows 95,' said one expert, musing if the updated spec would be compatible with the industry standard Spectrum computers. 'We might even consider fitting monitors as well, given the ticker-tape machines are wearing out a bit,' he added.