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'Shuggerly fut’ controversy rages at Scat Singers’ Conference

Writer: NickB
NickB
3 days ago


Although ‘shim shim shakoochy’ and ‘vup vup kecharlie’ were both found to be acceptable new phrases by the Scat Singers' Conference annually held in Chattanooga (booga booga) last week, there were ugly-bugly disagreements over both the provenance and the value of ‘Bruggerly-But’ and it’s assonant counterparts, including ‘Wuggerly-Fut’ and ‘Duggerly-chut’.


After the singing of the traditional anthem, King of the Swingers, with Scatters solemnly swearing allegiance to ‘Bomp Bop Arony’ and a video link featuring Glen Hoddle for the customary ‘Hoddle Oddle Oddle’, the conference, presided over by chairperson Charles ‘Rhubarb, a-Boobarb’ Smith got under way.


In the Ella Fitzgerald memorial lecture the values of improvising round ‘scroopy toop booty’ while carefully avoiding ‘booby’ and ‘looby’ were extolled and there was a growling workshop led my Tim Waaah-Caaah–Baa Baah-Baah, emphasising mucus.


The Teddy Treddy Ted-talk was given by none other than Brother ‘Other’ Huther, who explained to the uninitiated that far from being improvised gobbledy-goop googamafloop, scat is actually the traditional language of the lost Ronka-Bonk-Bonker tribe, whose resonant meanings have faded in the mists of time and been left in a notebook on a train. Only new scat vocalisations like ‘himba, bachimba’ and the much loved ‘ooh ooh, ma booh-booh’ could be admitted on the basis they sounded authentic in the heat of the moment.


However, ‘Wuggerly But’ and ‘spit-knee ca-joe-nut’ were disallowed despite the threat of legal action by their sponsors and a slow hand clap-a-chat-back. There was no decision reached on the proposal of a Ramadan-a ding-dong, or a Hanukah-harmonica.


The conference closed with the traditional drinks and dinner social event, renamed the Shoobie Doobie Do.


In other news, the annual Italian sign language conference has had to be abandoned yet again after 23 injuries and one death.



First published 18 Sep 2023


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Confused journalists wake up in abandoned Conservative Conference

Writer: simonjjames
simonjjames
Oct 9, 2025

A confused scene this morning, at the Conservative Conference, as a group of 25 or so journalists woke up to find the venue had been largely abandoned and they were the only ones left.


"It was weird", said Peter Bryant, a staffer for the Telegraph, "I was catching 40 winks during a Mel Stride thing and then I wake up to find everyone gone. It was like 28 days later. Only with old racists instead of zombies"


A decision was made on the Tuesday morning, due to the fact that no-one was really listening and most people were either hungover or asleep, that the conference might as well shut up shop and knock off early. Robert Jenrick summed it up, "Blah blah blah not enough white faces blah blah blah scrap the ECHR blah blah blah immigration is coming for your swans and conservatories. OK? Everyone get that? Great, see you next year, hopefully somewhere down south." He walked off stage to one person applauding which woke the press corp.


The confused journalists reverted to their survival instincts and made their way to the bar to find Kemi Badenoch talking sternly to a waiter who had asked her why she was in town.




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