A spokesman for Reform said: 'This confirms we are a clear alternative to the Conservative Party. By having exactly the same policies and the same personnel.' This has left some voters confused: 'So, in the next election I can vote out my sitting MP, by voting in my current MP but with a different rosette?'
The founding members of Reform are feeling somewhat outnumbered by the flood of Tories, that many are considering defecting to the Conservative Party - which is now just an empty warehouse with a stuffed mannequin of Norman Tebbit. However, the new Reform recruits have threatened to follow suit and rejoin the Tories, causing the new Conservatives to defect again-leading to the first perpetual motion machine of tw$ts.
- hokeyloki
- Oct 21, 2025
NewsBiscuit has discovered a secret Conservative programme to phase out humans as MPs and replace them with Cyber MPs, using a combination of AI and robotics.
According to leaked conversations from the Tory WhatsApp Group, AIRFOIL (believed to stand for - Artificial Intelligence and Robotics Forum On Incompatible Lifeforms), a major problem has been identified with attempting to identify sufficient numbers of on-message, non-bullying, non-harassing and non-drunk human candidates.
“It’s becoming a major problem and the tech’s not quite there to replace them”, said one post. “There is, of course, a short-term option of contracting out to an outsourcer such as Group 4. This would be expensive but at least when MPs speak out of turn or are involved in a scandal, there would be agreed compensation payments.”
However, a more recent post on the Group by AIRFOIL “Scientific Advisor”, Grant Moore-Money, examined the testing further - “Sure, current tests show problems such as limited eye contact, fixed expressions, being vulnerable to jerky movements and repeating wild unsubstantiated stuff from the internet. But that’s exactly the reason why we need to replace them with AI and robotics, asap.”
First published 21 Oct 2023
If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
 |  |  |  |