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With the Conservative party looking at an extinction level event in early July, scientists have drawn up plans to save the species from disappearing entirely, although nobody can explain why.


'We are looking at their natural habitat and feeding methods for starters,' said one scientist. 'They appear to be naturally predatory, especially on social media, and hunt in packs,' he added. 'The plan is to round up stray Tories on the 5th July and place them in special enclosures,' he said, noting that Wormwood Scrubs and Strangeways were two such enclosures.


'Other gaols are available,' he added.


Image: Newsbiscuit



Conservative - 'Easy Come, Easy Go' by Elvis Presley



Labour - 'I Heard It On The Grapevine' by Marvin Gaye



Lib Dems - 'Don't You Forget About Me' by Simple Minds



Green - 'Imagine' by John Lennon



SNP - 'My Perfect Cousin' by The Undertones



Reform - 'We're Only Making Plans for Nigel' by XTC



Plaid Cymru - 'My Little Empire' by the Manic Street Preachers



Count Binface - 'All I Ask Of Myself Is That I Hold It Together' by Ned's Atomic Dustbin



DUP - 'I'm Going Slightly Mad' by Queen



Sinn Fein - 'Brothers in Arms' by Dire Straits



Britain First - 'Run Like Hell' by Pink Floyd




A public toilet has unexpectedly become famous overnight after being namechecked in a statement made by a disgraced Conservative MP.


The toilet, located in London’s Kings Cross station, was named by Mark Menzies MP as the location where he first met the “bad people” who would later cause him such trouble, locking him in a flat until a ransom was paid to secure his release.


Menzies said he couldn’t be specific about which stall he was in, only that it had a hole in the dividing wall “at about waist height”.


Reg Prescott, who has cleaned the toilet for 15 years, said that its sudden fame had led to a lot of new people coming there. “Though none of them wanting to use it as a toilet, funnily enough.”


image from pixabay

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