LONDON - As conflict rages in the Middle East and Ukraine, with no end in sight, and oil prices continue to climb, fuelling fears that inflation could accelerate, exacerbating an already harsh cost of living crisis, a bombshell YouGov poll has found the British public's top priority is not world peace, but another royal funeral.
With faith in politicians collapsing over the donations scandal and AI threatening to kill us all, voters say they desperately miss September 2022, when the news cycle stopped for 11 days to discuss where Queen Elizabeth was lying and how her coffin was getting to the next place she would lie.
Cedric Churchill-Jones, 41, told us: 'I yearn for those halcyon days. Remember the queue? Twenty three hours to see a coffin. It gave Britain purpose and hope. Now, all we have to think about is mortgage rates and the cost of butter.'
'I just want the bunting back out,' said Britannia Flagworth, 54, from Tunbridge Wells. 'We should give Charles a beautiful early send-off while he's still around to enjoy the eulogy. I've started building a shrine in my shed entirely out of commemorative tea towels.'
The sentiment has already been channeled into action. A petition on the Parliament website titled 'Give Us Something To Live For - Early Funeral For King Charles Now' has already reached 500,000 signatures, guaranteeing a debate in Parliament next week, where Andy Burnham has promised ministers a free vote.
While most MPs are thought to be in favour of the proposal, there is considerable debate over the timing. Sir John Haze CBE MP opined 'Things can still get one hell of a lot worse so we need to keep our seventy seven gun salute powder dry.'
