Boris claiming credit for the vaccine rollout a bit like Debbie McGee taking credit for Harry Potter

Having failed to accomplish anything worthwhile during his three years on stage, Still Prime Minister The Great Bozondo has resorted to making wild claims about things he definitely didn't do. Say yes, Paul Dacre.

The most amazing feat of daring attempted before our very eyes is a claim so wild it is livid. You're going to like this... not a lot. The claim is that he 'got the big things right'. Following a national strategy of herd immunity and several panicked lockdowns so late Than-Neverland popped into existence with a puff of glitter, the only BIG thing he was responsible for during the pandemic was the number of people who vanished and weren't brought back.

The Great Bozondo was too incompetent to understand or be allowed anywhere near the climax of the actual vaccine rollout. Although, in fairness, he nearly pulled off the tricky routine of wiping down a chair. Dedicated and diligent non-governmental wizards without fists of ham astonished us all with the vaccine miracle. What did Boris and his 'big things right' government sleight of handers do? They strained most of their sinews self-opportunistically and fast-tracked their tragic circle of chums to multi-million-pound Personal Protection Equipment contracts, which failed to appear.

Now that's magic money trees.

And if the other big thing he got right was such a great success, why is there a need to get Brexit re-done? Maybe he should take another run at Heathrow runway 2¾?

image from pixabay

North Korea just like the west

Government Facing Growing Backlash from Homeowners Forced to Live with Covid

The PM is facing mounting resentment after forcing citizens into co-habitation with Covid.

It comes weeks after a dramatic government U-Turn. All previous policy mandated staying well away from the disease and to follow dramatic and usually illogical rules to keep it out of the home. However, new policy requires anyone not medically exempt to ‘start living with Covid.’

‘We follow government advice to the letter, but welcoming Covid into the very heart of our family is just too much', said Stephen Jarvis, Seaham U13s Chess Champion, 1984. 'It's a destructive houseguest, and it just sort of hovers around the house, lingering annoyingly in the air'.

Miriam Caltrop of Henor was equally disappointed. ‘At first we were excited. We thought that inviting Covid into our homes was a small price to pay for everything getting back to normal,’

‘But then things turned sour, (especially food and smells). Covid became clingy and wouldn’t let us leave the house. They didn’t help with the chores or pay bills, which became problematic as we couldn’t go to work.

'And this is against a background fear that they may suddenly turn on you and maliciously murder you in your sleep. By the end, we were left feeling exhausted and drained and wishing they would just go.’

Homeowner associations are arguing that spare rooms could be better used to welcome foster children or refugees. However, the government reiterated that Covid was now the public’s responsibility and until they could rehome it humanely, there simply wasn’t room for other more deserving guests.

Image: Pixabay/BlenderTimer