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A man is claiming that the objective of clearing out the garage has now been achieved, even though he has in fact created a dreadful mess that could take years or even decades to clear up.  Mr Donald T Rump of Basingstoke decided unilaterally to tackle what he perceived as a build-up of potentially hazardous garden chemicals and lubricants on the shelves of his garage by tipping them all into the drains.  Unsurprisingly to everyone except Mr Rump, this has caused a huge problem in the neighbourhood, risking the health and safety of everyone in the vicinity.  


The reaction was swift as the consequential damage spread quickly and uncontrollably.  The local river has now been cordoned off, and water supplies have been interrupted.  Children in the local school have been badly affected, although Mr Rump claims to have had nothing to do with any impact on any school.  


People that Mr Rump thought were his friends have distanced themselves from him.  He asked them to help with the clean-up operation once he realised that it was a bigger job than he could handle, but they refused so he said he doesn't need them anyway.  Reportedly, a Mr French used particularly strong words to describe what Mr Rump should do.


Despite his actions being illegal, irresponsible and downright dangerous, Mr Rump is insisting that he did the right thing and his garage is in much better shape than it was before.  According to him, the operation was a complete success and is now over.  Whether he will ever manage to clear out that huge stash of porn in the cupboards from his seedy past is not known.



Image credit: Wix AI


Specialist cleaners are assessing the damage at the Royal Lodge in Windsor now that Andrew Mountanything Windsor has been kicked out.


'King Charles wants everything to be sterilised, and we have carte blanche to cart away anything that's beyond saving,' said a hench looking Hinch lookalike.


'We found a lot of staining in almost every room. Stained satin curtains are really hard to clean - even harder than dealing with a stained reputation. Don't tell the King I said that. Just my little joke. I expect those curtains are a goner.


'The Royals always favoured fabric wall covering - that's going to be an expensive mistake. Worst of all is that we've found black mould in seven of the bedrooms. You'd expect that on a council estate, but not here. I can't imagine Prince Philip putting up with black mould.


'The worst room was an antechamber, which was used as a TV room. We've cleared out a lot of pizza boxes - I can't tell you which brand, obviously. The grease has penetrated the wing backed sofa, and you wouldn't believe where we found pepperoni and sausage. Someone didn't like it, I reckon, and started throwing it around. Or maybe someone misunderstood the rules of hide the sausage.


'Between you and me, some of this stuff will have to be burnt. I don't think Charles will be happy, but at least he can put the ashes on the veg patch.


'This is going to cost millions to clean up. I don't reckon that Andrew will deal with the bill. By which I mean the invoice, of course, not the rozzers.'



Image credit: perchance.org

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