Learner drivers to be sent to Rwanda until they pass test

British road users will no longer find themselves seething with frustration while stuck behind a clueless driver who can't change gears. Thanks to new legislation they will be deported to Rwanda until they get a full licence to drive on British roads. 'We can guarantee they'll be treated humanely there", says a Home Office spokesman. "They'll be given free L-plates on arrival and can get driving lessons at a discount from local warlords.'

"Personally, I think it's for the best", says 38-year-old BMW driver Frank Mason. "You need to earn the right to stay in Britain, and that means being able to do a three-point turn and overtake on the cycle lane when you find yourself in a traffic jam.'

The first provisional licence holder was stopped and detained early this morning and is now awaiting deportation. Fifty-six-year-old Mavis Beckford, who has failed her test six times, was pulled over while driving up the A30 at 45mph and will be flown to Rwanda tomorrow. 'Personally, I have no time for these L-plate people with their huge sense of entitlement,' says arresting officer David Lake. 'She says she was just going up to Basingstoke to "seek a better life" - yeah, right.'

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/kartik27-298317/

Rwanda flights to be filled by victims of other crimes

Following the cancellation of the flight to deport asylum seekers to Rwanda, the government has decided to fill the newly created seats with other victims. 'We had budgeted for 322 seats including four in the landing gear and twelve in the baggage hold, but we now have lots of spaces', a government spokesman today.

'So we are going to fill the aircraft with other victims. Victims of marital violence will fill the front third of the plane, but without their children, obviously because that would be cruel. We're betting the abusers will really feel punished by that.

'And surviving victims of drink/drive and/or road rage will be filling the middle third, but not the emergency exit seats if they're still in plaster. That'll stop people drink-driving if there's no-one stupid enough left to walk on pavements at two in the afternoon, eh?

'The final third of the seats will be filled with members of the British public who have been victims of this government.

'We're actually expecting to have to put quite a few more flights on just for them,' he added.

Image: Pixabay/blende12