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    • Modelmaker
      • Apr 2
      • 1 min read

    Recently retired woman finally understands why she commuted for 50 years



    A recent Crowdscience episode about migratory animals has helped a woman who commuted daily from Birmingham to London and back again understand why she did the commute. "It was obviously natural instinct kicking in and there was nothing I could have done about it, even though I hated commuting." she told our reporter. "They said on the wireless how exhausted migratory animals get on their travels, and to be honest, I felt the same on the occasions I fell asleep on the train and ended up in Crewe. "All the messing about waiting for a train that would take me somewhere sensible and work out how to get a ticket from a machine after the ticket office was unmanned would take hours, so I would just get one back to London, or be late for work the next day." We asked the commuter, who preferred us to withhold her name how she came to hear the programme when it was broadcast, at it will have coincided with her train journey. "Thankfully I've reached retirement age," she replied. "So I got the chance to hear it. "If those scientists who study migratory stuff had any compassion, they'd work out a way to let birds and wildebeest hear it too, so they'd think about retiring as well."

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    • Lifestyle
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    • Frank Optional
      • Jan 13
      • 1 min read

    Sir David Attenborough has loud piercing laugh 'like cat full of marbles'




    Sir David Attenborough has a loud, piercing laugh, 'like a cat full of marbles rolling down a hill', sources close to the renowned naturalist and broadcaster said today. It is believed that Mr. Attenborough uses this laugh to protect his territory and attract mates.


    The tactic has hitherto remained secret because the television star disguises it in broadcasts through a combination of judicious whispering and being very serious all the time. The desperate attempts not to laugh have taken their toll however, as apparently Mr. Attenborough finds giant tortoises and monkeys especially hilarious. Colleagues have mentioned recently how he would quietly discuss Bonobo status tactics on camera before collapsing in breathless shrieks that would terrify birds for miles around.


    The natural world does not often see the arrival of broadcasters with peculiar laughs. A Jimmy Carr might be spotted scrabbling for tax returns, or maybe a Ricky Gervais trying for a fourth series. And yet ... even here ... an Attenborough may occasionally let one rip that has the sound recordist running for cover.


    Image: Pixabay/spoiu23

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    • Science/Business
    68 views0 comments
    • Wrenfoe
      • Dec 28, 2021
      • 1 min read

    'I've been silenced' complains man in podcast, stage show and own documentary



    'It's been a tough couple years', explained the unnamed celebrity. 'I've gone from regularly appearing on TV, to regularly appearing on TV, to explain why I'm no longer on TV'.


    At the launch of his new book, covering how he is no longer published, he said: 'The Internet is filled with an angry woke mob. I have to post a dozen inflammatory comments every day, just to get a reaction.


    'I'm rich, white and middle-aged - where can I go to be heard these days? I literally have no platform to express myself, as I explained to my 200,000 Facebook followers.


    'I've been cancelled - which is incidentally the name of my next movie'.


    Image: Fabrizio_65/Pixabay






    ​


    Woman pretending to like podcasts lives in fear of being asked about them

    ​500 pages, 800 stories, 100 writers

    Last Place On Earth discovered in a garden in Redditch


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    101 views0 comments
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