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Attenborough to voice Tory MP wildlife documentary

As Tory MPs become an endangered species - possibly facing extinction - David Attenborough will lend his trademark breathy vocals to a 3 part mini-series all about them.

'Here, deep in the heart of a generic Home County, we see the Tory MP in his natural habitat: cricket, a village fete, a long suffering wife. But what's this... a non-white person is walking nearby and we see the Tory MP begin to strut. Let's listen in: "Political correctness has gone mad, woke, flights to Rwanda, British values". It's aggressive, yet pointless, it's all just a performance, as if he's wearing some GBShoes.'

Later in the show, the Tory MP was shown hard at work in Westminster.

'Back in the Westminster office, an unlucky female Parliamentary aide has caught the Tory MPs eye. We hear the guttural mating noises: "Mmm I say, yes please matron, what a fine filly". Inexplicably, he's in luck. She responds positively. Despite the long suffering wife at home, the Tory MP begins rutting the aide and with a cry of "Margaret Thatcher", it's all over very quickly and he's off for a GBSnooze. That's a shame. She will need a few G&Ts to suppress that memory.'

Attenborough's closing narration did end on a jollier note however.

'By January 2025, Tory MPs will be extinct in the wild, with just a few of these extraordinary animals kept in cages on GBZoos, awaiting the sweet release of either an autobiography or death. It's up to us to do the right thing.'

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