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A south-East London family were part of a series of slick, if convoluted, plots for over 20 years to defraud the Exchequer, it has emerged. 'To the outside world, Trotters Independent Trading carefully cultivated an image of a regular working-class family', noted investigative journalist Lilian De Rennes today. 'Just trying their best to get on and combining obviously doomed money-making schemes with a strong sense of comedy and pathos.' ‘However, our pain-staking investigation, involving the viewing of over 100 hours of video footage, has revealed tax avoidance - and slapstick humour - taking place on an industrial scale, all co-ordinated from a small tower block flat in Peckham and the local Nags Head pub’, continued De Rennes. ‘Their 'no income tax, no VAT' mantra funded increasingly outlandish spending, including self-inflating blow up dolls and spontaneously exploding Albanian radios’, noted De Rennes. ‘The pair were also assisted in their escapades by two elderly brothers whose expertise in all things offshore allowed them to minimise their tax liabilities whilst also providing an impressive range of running gags about their misfortunes whilst in the Navy.’ 'The public are rightly asking how the Trotters were able to continue their deception for so long?’. Said De Rennes. ‘But I’d turn the question back on the public. At the height of their popularity – the Christmas special in 1988 – it seems that 24.2 million people appear to have been in the know about their avoidance activities,' 'The younger brother Rodney even appears to have had an alias, being called 'Dave' on hundreds of occasions, to the mirth of many.’ Investigations are now focusing on some of the bizarre techniques used by the family to reduce tax payments for themselves and others. These include an elaborate shell company specialising in destroying expensive home furnishings, such as chandeliers, and bogus personal injury claims for accidents including falling through a bar. No-one from the family was available for comment today, although a number of sightings of the couple, dressed in Batman and Robin costumes, have been reported on UK Gold.
photo: https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301/
As inflation causes the cost of everyday purchases to soar, shoppers are also being hit by ‘shrink-flation’, as many food manufacturers opt to make their products smaller instead of increasing the price.
Ron Stutter, a spokesman for the consumer action group ‘Regulation In Pricing Of Food Favourites’ (RIPOFF) said, 'It’s time for manufacturers to stop treating their customers like they’re stupid. They keep making products smaller and thinking no one will notice, which is just inflation by stealth. These days many popular food items have become so small they’re hardly worth the bother. A Freddo used to be an affordable treat, but now they’re so tiny you can’t even find them in the shop without the aid of a powerful microscope. No one wants prices to go up, but at least that would be more honest. If they are going to make things smaller instead of increasing prices, they should rebrand the products so people would know what to expect, and they wouldn’t be so disappointed.
'For example, a tub of Quality Street used to be massive - it would last from Christmas Day until Pancake Day. The tubs have become noticeably smaller every year, and now they’re so small they only contain about 6 sweets, and the Toffee Pennies are more like Toffee Halfpennies. The manufacturers should be transparent about the shrinkage, and rename the tubs ‘Less Quantity Street’. A Finger of Fudge is nowhere near the size of a finger – ‘Little Toe of Fudge’ would be a more accurate description. Monster Munch were a crunchy mouthful, but they’ve shrunk so much they should now be sold as ‘Mini Munch’. Topics used to have a hazelnut in every bite, but these days you’re lucky if you can find even a tiny fragment of hazelnut. The allergy warning on the label should read ‘May contain nuts - but we’re not making any promises’. Production of ‘fun-sized’ chocolate bars such as Mars, Snickers and Bounty is pointless, as the full-sized versions have become even smaller than the ‘fun-sized’ varieties. Mini Cheddars should be renamed ‘Miniscule Cheddars’, and Polos should be called ‘Holos’, as they now contain more hole than mint.'
It has not been possible to get in touch with the food manufacturers to ask for their comments, as the contact information on their product packaging was too small to read.
Image from Pixabay by FotoshopTofs:
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