Buck House admits King uses same accountant as Derek Trotter

A representative of King Charles has admitted the monarch uses the same accountancy firm as Peckham entrepreneur Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter.

Accounts show the monarch paid £12.9m in taxes from income largely generated by strong sales of Trevor Francis track suits and discount carpet tiles.

King Charles is thought to be worth around £1.6bn, but annual royal reports reveal that deductions for overheads and expenses reduce his income tax bill to that of someone on income support.

A spokesperson told us that helicopter trips alone cost the Royal Family £733,063 in 2025, although that was offset against the king’s role as environmental ambassador for the UK

Buck House says supplies from a gentleman in Shepherd’s Bush have helped bolster sales across all Royal outlets with sales of David Bowie LPs proving a particular favourite among millennials and vinyl collectors looking for a bargain.

The king’s range of Hooky Street shops is thought to generate profits of £50m alone.

Royal Trustees say that the £11m tax-free gift earmarked to replace old boilers at Windsor Castle was a necessary expense, but assured royal watchers that this would not impact on Queen Camilla’s role as queen consort.

Image: ChatGPT

Churchwardens struggling to keep Reform afloat

As news broke today that a part-time Churchwarden from Potters Bar has funnelled £200,000 into Reform in the last six months, the Churchwarden has spoken about the strain of finding the money to keep Reform UK Ltd afloat out of his non-existent salary.

'Nigel suggested it would be easy,' he said. 'After all, the Reform leader's girlfriend had managed to find nearly £1 million pounds to buy a house near Clacton, despite not having an income of any note.  I do some conveyancing,' he added, 'but I didn't get the Clacton gig.  'That would have made the donations so much easier.'

The Churchwarden is expected to make up some of the shortfall by advising on architectural landscaping, a subject he doesn't have any experience of.  'Apparently some foreign billionaire wants me to act as a consultant as long as I use the fee to help Reform out,' he said.

A Reform spokesman said Dear Leader would be able to help out with fundraising, if needed. 'He could arrange flowers on the occasional Sunday, as long as a photo-op was included.  And, of course, payment.  In crypto.' 

Image credit: perchance.org

All the makings of a dodgy care salesman