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Half the lights on the White House Christmas tree are not working due to federal cutbacks affecting electricity supply. But President Trump still insists the tree is visible from outer space.


'We have a tree,' he told reporters, 'And it is a very fine tree, I’m sure you’ll agree. It’s maybe 3,000-feet tall. In fact, I think it’s the tallest tree that has ever been seen, and you know it’s a beautiful thing this tree, it’s really a beautiful thing.'


Staff at the National Parks Service have said the tree is actually a more modest three metres tall, though this hasn’t prevented the familiar balancing issues. Trump’s aides have had to use bricks – easily available thanks to the work going on next door – to raise first one side, then the other. Trump allegedly observed: 'If that doesn't work, we can always get a couple of migrants from Mexico to lie down at the base until it’s level. Or sleepy Joe, he could do with the rest.'


Further federal cuts introduced by Trump have affected the holiday period itself. The traditional "12days of Christmas" has now been slashed to six, and Christmas Day itself is being declared an ordinary working day, although the president will be spending it at his home in Mar-a-Lago in Florida.


However, some things remain the same. The White House has confirmed the president will once again be playing Secret Santa with President Putin of Russia; the Chinese leader Xi Jinping; the Hungarian leader Viktor Orban; Kim Jong Un of North Korea; and the leader of Saudi Arabia, King Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud.


There is an agreed one million-dollar limit for presents and all gifts will be delivered by drone. The drones that were recently sent by Putin to Belgium were a dummy run, though observers say they did much to make the country more interesting.


Meanwhile, the lights that weren’t working have been replaced by candles. Not a good move…


Photo by simon on Unsplash


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The President has been accused of delaying incriminating evidence by tying it to George.R.R.Martin's work rate. A spokeswoman clarified. 'Nonsense, the President has every confidence George will release the final books. He wants to put all the dodgy sex behind him, although George wrote it like that.'


Much like the books, Trump is hoping the files have an anticlimactic ending - preferably without him climaxing. HBO are said to be interested in the files but are concerned that it will be too rude even for them.


Conspiracy theorists think George will be killed before he finishes, although fans have said that he's more likely to die of old age first. 'The President hoping neither the files or books have a happy ending. And, yes, he knows that has a double meaning.'


Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash



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A BBC big cheese has said the corporation ideally should have acted sooner on concerns about the way a Panorama documentary featuring Donald Trump was edited, exposing the corporation to the risk of being sued in UK courts. However, the delay has rather conveniently meant that the time limit for a libel case in the UK has expired.


The comments follow the smooth, even slick, smiling, resignation of the broadcaster's director general Tim Davie and CEO of News Deborah Turness.


The BBC has been under fire amid accusations that the documentary misled viewers, splicing sections from a Donald Trump speech on 6 January 2021 to make it appear he was explicitly urging people to attack the US Capitol.


The controversial edit was highlighted in a well-timed, leaked BBC memo published by the Telegraph newspaper last week.


'We can still be sued in the US' said the big chief, 'but that's the government's problem, so meh'

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