Plan for change: Keir apologises for small typo

Starmer launched his plan for change today, and set out his key milestones.  This fills in some of the detail that couldn't be put into the election manifesto for fear of scaring the voters.

Unfortunately, Keir has had to issue a swift correction on one of the pledges.  Due to a minor transcription error, the pledge to ‘treat 18% of NHS patients within 92 weeks’ was incorrectly announced with the numbers transposed.

Keir Starmer said that he felt obliged to issue the correction quickly, so that people on NHS waiting lists didn’t get their hopes up.

Image: Pixabay/mspark0

Government defends Reeves' claim she walked on the Moon

"Rachel is a key member of Labour's team who has got Britain's economy booming again with her masterfully shrewd Budget measures," lied a Downing Street spokesman.

"She has stated that she used to be an economist at HBOS and we are telling you that there is no reason at all to doubt that, just because it's untrue.

"And we forbid you to disbelieve Ms Reeves when she says she took a trip the Moon in her gap year and strolled around on its surface, planting daffodils.

"OK, it's a bit of a stretch - but compared to the fibs we all had to tell on Boris Johnson's behalf, it's pretty much gospel truth."

Rachel Reeves got a second-class degree from Oxford in Politics, Philosophy and Being Economical with the Truth. She then worked as a mediocrity in the financial sector and now serves Britain by driving farms and small businesses into bankruptcy.

image from pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com

Hornby Trains to be nationalised

The Labour Government has laid out plans to take Hornby Trains into public ownership as part of its overall renationalisation strategy.

A Downing Street spokesman said space had been made in the Number 10 attic where they could begin running freight and passenger services over different lines. 'The timetable will be flexible to suit our work breaks and there will be minimal maintenance required. Plus the big advantage here over mainline rail companies is we won’t have ASLEF on our backs every five minutes.'

Asked how and when the Hornby acquisition might be made they told us it was already on Labour’s Christmas list to Lord Alli.