DFT recruits MOD driving examiners - pass or fail?

In the light of the dearth of driving examiners, Shelley (not her real name) was glad to get any examiner for her recent driving test. She was shocked by the apparent new format. 'I parked up my Fiesta and waited. The examiner first of all demanded that I get in the 'proper way' through the roof. He said he was made very uneasy by the lack of something he called 'proper Chobham' and asked where the HESH rounds were actually kept.'

Shelley continued her recount.' Next, he seemed annoyed that my car was ridiculously roomy and kept asking if the radio was encrypted and where the other people were. We then had to ask two other candidates to get in too, otherwise he said it wasn't really safe to proceed. We all had to address him as Commander but we weren't very confident despite his air of authority.

He was angry at what he called my excessive speed and acceleration. As the test progressed, he seemed to get increasingly bored and frustrated. In the end, he instructed me to leave the road completely to demonstrate my driving 'properly'. He seemed quite pleased with this rather infrastructure-heavy part of the test which included the wall around Sainsbury's as well as a couple of trolleys. We terrorised some Duke of Edinburgh Award students, the Cockerpoo owners' club and our local children's nursery, all of whom ran, more or less successfully, screaming from our path. At one point most of our local Farmers Market seemed to be impaled on the front of the car. They weren't happy. '

But, did she pass her test?' Sadly, after a particularly challenging downward slope into the local quarry, the Fiesta was totalled, 'she mourned. 'The Commander said I had failed. I hadn't used my indicator on one occasion when pulling out.'

Image: Perchance AI

Driving theory test to include questions on migrants, diet and tax

The government has just announced that the theory test will soon include questions about CPR. This is because motorists are 'often first on the scene' where CPR is needed.

Following similar logic, the government is planning to use the test questions to further its agenda in other areas too.

A spokesman said, 'Drivers may not be getting enough exercise, so it's reasonable to add questions about the effects of too much sitting down and not enough active travel. If they didn't get properly brainwashed about this at school, then the theory test gives us a second go.

'Drivers in France may be approached by people trying to get into Britain illegally, so that's another area that we can cover.

'And motorists need to understand that their car tax and fuel duty and road tolls are needed to pay the interest on government debt. It's not there to pay for roads or anything like that. And the national curriculum doesn't even start on tax. So we need to cover that too.

'In future the test may also feature questions about the law on freedom of speech, how to give money to political parties legally, and the offside rule.'

Photo by Bas Peperzak on Unsplash

Supermarkets blame carrot shortage on 70 + year old drivers panic buying!

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