- Lockjaw
- May 28, 2022
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A pharmacologist explained the breakthrough: ‘Previously you could spend decades finding your drug of choice or worse still, go through life without experiencing crystal meth. Now thanks to genetic coding, we can match a patient to their prescription drugs and their inevitable decent into opioid addiction’.
The DNA test will reveal which heroin you prefer – ranging from a lot of heroin to a huge amount of heroin. It will also show your genetic disposition for selling off your belongings to feed your habit and whether you are willing to turn tricks for a doctor’s note.
One addict said: ‘If I’d known, as a kid, how much I loved drugs, I could’ve swapped Calpol® for cocaine much earlier’.
the Metropolitan Police investigates the extent of drug abuse in the House of Commons, the government has responded by asking Michael Gove if he could be the one of the faces of its new anti-drug programme, preferably both.
'Michael will level up the country and ensure that everyone has the same access to the class A drug,' said a government spokesman. Some politicians suggest that drug use is possibly the only explanation for the way the country is being run. 'It couldn't make it worse,' said one politician today.
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