National treasure, Dame Mary Berry, is said to be ‘delighted’ following an announcement by Buckingham Place she is to join the Royal Family in the newly created position of Honorary Queen Mother. ‘She's loved by one and all and is sure to be a dab hand at knocking out the odd Pavlova or Sachertorte for next Summer's garden parties,’ said a palace spokesman. The octogenarian's appointment brings to an end much speculation that perhaps after almost twenty years vacant, the Royals were going to leave the post of nation’s favourite Nana unfilled as no suitable contender could be found. That was until Doyen of the Dacquoise second spin on the wheel of celebrity caught the eye of none other than Her Majesty The Queen. Court insider D’arcy de Villiers says: ‘Leaving such a key post empty was never an option and now with such a strong player as Mary in the team, the simple man can once more be heartened as he starves in his inner-city tower block, eking out his miserable existence in abject poverty.’ Cockney paupers, Jim and Edna Travis, their noses pressed against the railings and dressed in ripped bin bags and filthy rags, sobbed with pure joy as sprightly Mary handed them each a miniscule slither of Lemon Drizzle Cake fom the window of her limo, before sweeping through the gates of Buckingham Place to enjoy a slap-up dinner of Swan Pie with all the trimmings. ‘I tell you what, Mary’s a proper diamond,’ sobbed Jim, as he choked down crumbs, before adding, ‘Gawd bless ‘er!’
