Childhood asthma and pensioners with bronchitis “essential for London economy”

After revelations London’s ULEZ rules have dramatically improved its air quality, some of the candidates for the future London mayor election and their supporters in the London Assembly have been looking into the economics of having a Capital with the cleanest air of any similar world city. 

'The economic disadvantages of having this nonsensical clean air policy thrust upon us has been shown time and time again as a Woke Folly” said future mayoral candidate Lucy Torridge- Whimple. 'We have pharmacies going bust on every high street. Window cleaners, petrol stations and black cabs are suffering too. When did you last see a hard working, cheerful white van driver overtake you at 40 mph on the high street whilst lighting a Benson and dropping the empty packet out of the window? It’s a London tradition, just like punk rockers with glued up green hair and commuters in bowler hats.  

'Leaning out of the drivers window of her 3 litre Dodge Mammoth she shouted at a coughing grandmother and child crossing the road in front of her to hurry up and toughen up to the hard facts of city life - or get out and go and live in Oxfordshire. And I bet you don’t need that bloody inhaler anyway.'

Lucy dropped her ten year old son off at the school gates before driving off into the crawling traffic to finish her half hour, two mile journey to Waitrose and her Tuesday Pilates class.