3,000 ‘Peacekeepers’ to hide in birthday cake

The EU/UK insisted that their Ukrainian ‘peacekeeping’ force was not an army, but merely a rambling group of birdwatchers on the Russian border. Putin, on the other hand, was not convinced that they were harmless, noticing 3,000 binoculars abruptly swivel towards Moscow. Said one of his generals, ‘Hiding thousands of soldiers in one enormous trench coat is shifty. Insisting their name is ‘Mr Jenkins’, while standing on each other’s shoulders, is downright alarming.’

The EU/UK denied this was a NATO force, despite everyone wearing NATO uniforms, with ‘made in America’ badges. A Brussels spokeswoman confirmed, ‘This is an innocent wedding party – with one bride, one groom, 2,998 suspiciously well-drilled ushers.’

‘There is nothing to see here,’ said one British trooper from behind a very small bush - as his regiment simultaneously ducked down beside him. ‘We’re preparing a children’s birthday party. It just so happens that all 3,000 of us have independently decided to come disguised as the same clown.’