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UK researchers into rage hate, commonly referred to as the UK Gammon Index (UKGI), have reported it is rising faster than Global Warming, which in itself is a common driver of the UKGI whenever mentioned. 'We might be in a spiralling feedback loop,' said one researcher, adding, 'no, I don't know what that means either'.


With Poppy Rage currently overtaking the traditional rage about fireworks being set off early for Bonfire night, with the concurrent rage over whether it should be named Guy Fawkes' night adding to the mix. Christmas Rage, a relatively recent rage made worse by reference to 'the Holiday Season' is bending the UKGI gauge to breaking point.


'Monitoring UK rage just makes me mad,' said the researcher, turning bright red, banging his fist on the table and filling in an application to join Reform in crayon. Which, of course, he ate in a fit of rage.


Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

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Claudia Winkleman’s fringe is to be listed and is to go on tour next year after Winkleman and her co-host Tess Daly leave Strictly Come Dancing.


English Heritage confirmed that Winkleman’s fringe is being given Grade II listed status in honour of its “cultural status”. A spokesperson said: ‘Claudia Winkleman’s fringe is seen by millions of people every year. Granting it Grade II listed status saves it for the nation.’


The show’s producers said: ‘Claudia Winkleman’s fringe is a national treasure. The tour will allow members of the public a chance to get close to an important part of television’s best-loved presenters.’


The tour will take in cities, towns and villages across the UK, much like the Olympic torch tour in 2012.


The operation, called a ‘fringeoctomy’, involves two small incisions being made in the scalp under local anaesthetic, and then a gentle peeling back and lifting of the fringe. A skin graft from the back is then applied to the affected area and a new fringe grows within weeks.


Observers say Winkleman’s fringe needed cutting anyway. ‘If you look at episodes of the show from ten years ago, you can clearly see her eyebrows’, said one member of Strictly fan club, Telford Tango. ‘Now her eyes are barely visible.’


Winkleman, who has presented the show since 1951, said: “I’m nervous about the operation obviously, but excited too. As long as Craig Revel Horwood is not the surgeon….”


image from grok


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The government have found the controls behind the back of a sofa in Downing Street. 'What a palaver - we've spent years trying to take back control and we had the buggers all the time. Brexit, Johnson, all the arguments and we didn't need to do all of that - could have stayed in the EU, left Boris in the fridge and helped to find Liz Truss a brain.


'Soz'.





First published 22 Oct 2022


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