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Maybe Greenlanders were the friends we made along the way


In a heart warming end to NATO, the US revealed it had grown emotionally-but also territorially. Trump said. 'The true reward of a quest—is not the achievement itself, but the large mineral deposits in your soul.'


He admitted that the Greenlanders had melted his heart and coincidentally melted their tundra to reveal prime real estate. You can not put a price on friendship he said, but you can put a price on acreage.


He told the Greenlanders they always had the power to return home, it just so happens that home is Kansas. 'Friends are just people who haven't got to know you yet.'




NATO to rebrand as Trump NATO


‘NATO is a self-defence organisation and right now NATO needs to defend itself’, a spokesman told NewsBiscuit.


‘As well as rebranding NATO we will award Donald Trump the NATO Medal for Bravery and give him a 5% skim off the top. All nations will need to increase their budgets a little, but at least we won’t be showing Putin our naked arses’.


A spokesman for the White House said that 5% was ‘an insult’ and that he knew where NATO’s wife and children lived, so if NATO didn’t fancy coming home to an ugly wife with a remodelled face it should up the offer to 20% minimum.

Denmark to get custody of Greenland at the weekends


In an attempt to calm the world order, the United States has announced that it will let Denmark have full visitation rights at the weekend, as long as it returns Greenland to the US while it is still light.  'No keeping Greenland out after dark,' insisted a US spokesman, noting that Greenland is dark essentially October to March.


'We will exploit Greenland for its mineral wealth Monday to Friday, then return it for Denmark to clean it up at weekends,' the spokesman added.


President Trump has insisted the takeover of a NATO country isn't really about exploiting its natural wealth but by ensuring the US doesn't have Russia on its border.  When it was mentioned that Alaska borders Russia Trump shrugged and suggested Alaska might be next to be taken over.


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