Denmark to get custody of Greenland at the weekends

In an attempt to calm the world order, the United States has announced that it will let Denmark have full visitation rights at the weekend, as long as it returns Greenland to the US while it is still light.  'No keeping Greenland out after dark,' insisted a US spokesman, noting that Greenland is dark essentially October to March.

'We will exploit Greenland for its mineral wealth Monday to Friday, then return it for Denmark to clean it up at weekends,' the spokesman added.

President Trump has insisted the takeover of a NATO country isn't really about exploiting its natural wealth but by ensuring the US doesn't have Russia on its border.  When it was mentioned that Alaska borders Russia Trump shrugged and suggested Alaska might be next to be taken over.

Photo by Visit Greenland on Unsplash

US braced for war against US if it invades Greenland

Whilst the United States believes it needs to assimilate Greenland, by force if necessary, it also understands that as Greenland is part of Denmark, a NATO member, it is obligated to protect Greenland if it attacks it.

'We have troops based on Greenland and we could use them as defensive troops, giving the rest of NATO time to reinforce,' said a spokesman for the War Department.  'Or we could use them to dig in and repel any US troops we're obligated to send to liberate it,' he added.  'It's quite the conundrum,' he agreed.

Russia has suggested that the UN sets up a peace-keeping force and has volunteered to supply troops to keep the Americans away from the Americans.  'We don't need any other UN troops apart from Russian troops,' a spokesman for Russia said today.  'Five or more battalions, with tanks, helicopters, MiG fighters and a few nuclear weapons should keep the peace,' he added.

Image: Barni1 - Pixabay

NATO asks for a war for Christmas

The Head of NATO said he was super excited to get play with Action Men figures, once his wish for WWIII comes true. Singing a rendition of O Come All Ye Soldiers and Jingle Shells, he declared that Europe must go to war with Russia, if he is to meet his appraisal targets.

He said Santa’s Shock and Awe would ensure that Slay Bells Ring, while he encouraged all NATO members to Deck the Halls with Boughs of Ammo. When asked if he thought a winter offensive would be a good idea, he said everyone loves a white Xmas in Moscow—just ask Napoleon.

He was confident that Noel of Duty would work, just like Syria, Libya had been stellar successes. He said "Santa's bound to have a list of whose naught and nice. Who has oil, minerals, what Blackrock needs. All of these will factored in. What I can sure is that everyone will get a bit of Ukraine in their stocking—apart from the Ukrainians. They won't even get to keep a lump of coal."

image from pixabay