The Prince of Wales had to be suspended from duties after breaking down in tears and being towed to the nearest palace.
'Honestly, this is not the first time this has happened with the Prince of Wales,' said a Buckingham House insider. 'He's always breaking down about something or other. This time, it seems he was upset about his propeller shaft.
'f we keep on having these breakdowns, we're going to have to think very seriously about scuttling the Prince of Wales at Scapa Flow.'
Now that corgis no longer reside at the Palace, it has been thoughtfully recognised that the requirement to keep their pampering suite nice and toasty may have diminished. Although most of the world is somewhat relieved that King Charles has single-handedly saved the planet, British subjects have been left with an odd feeling.
'Huh. Buckingham Palace has a swimming pool,' said Barbara Brown from Swindon. 'It never crossed my mind all of these years. I've always thought of them as a "flat on their bellies lapping out of the Serpentine" sort of family.'
'It didn't occur to me, either, mused Marvin Welles from Bath. 'I mean, it wasn't that I thought chlorine might cause harm to lizards, it's just that I never thought of Her Majesty doing lengths. Or Charles bombing. Something about them always suggested they wouldn't float too well. I also hadn't considered Buck Pal-on-the-Mall having a gym; it's more an indoor archery longroom sort of place. Maybe a heads of state trophy room. But what would they have done with the bodies? A torsos of state skittle alley?'
Fiona Williams from Wrexham added, 'In my mind, it's lavish room after lavish room of glorious ancestral portraits, and national treasures "voluntarily" gifted from former countries of the Empire. There just wouldn't be the space, even for a paddling pool. Especially after the Nicholas Witchell (Sex) Dungeon of Torture was installed.
Mary Andrews from Falkirk offered, 'I can imagine a royal swimming pool filled with liquid gold. That would need some heating. King Charles might've realised that could be turned down a degree or two.'
H/T Lockjaw
Image: stablediffusionweb.com
First published 5 Jun 2023
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In a bold move to modernise the Royal Family, plans have been drawn up to turn the entire institution into a data centre.
'It was either this or turn them into Turkey Twizzlers', a spokesman said. 'And the hygiene people put their foot down.
Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice will make a unique contribution - the heatsink design for the microprocessors will be based on their trademark 'fascinators'. They will not be forgotten, sadly.
Regular Royal duties - waving, opening things, making small talk - will all be done by AI, enabling the whole venture to break even in its first week of operation. Graphs have been drawn. To be fair, they were done by AI so might be total fantasy, but it isn't as if the whole Royalty thing was overly committed to grim reality.
Andrew Mountbatten will play a unique part - in the foundations of Buck House Data Centre, a new central London facility which will be owned by some of the people he used to party with.
Balmoral, Sandringham and vast swathes of British countryside will be covered in computer warehouses so that students will no longer need to write their own essays. It's all fairly asinine, but still slightly less daft than having an actual Royal Family.
Image: WixAI
