Buckingham Palace announces new ceremony: Trooping the Suspect
- Oshaughnessy
- 18 minutes ago
- 1 min read
In a brief official notice, cable-tied to the palace gates and laminated against a light drizzle, Buckingham Palace confirmed the creation of a new ceremonial fixture: Trooping the Suspect.
A palace spokesperson clarified its historic significance.
“This marks the first royal suspect processed with full pageantry since Charles I was arrested by parliamentary forces,” they explained. “The principal difference being that, this time, Andrew Mountbatten-Cell Block H has been arrested by police forces."
Plans reportedly include a precision fly-past of discreetly tinted private jets, a 36-gun middle-finger salute, and commemorative merchandise ranging from souvenir solid-gold handcuffs to a commemorative limited-edition ‘Keep Calm and Await Charge Sheet’ tea towel.
The Household Cavalry are rehearsing a new drill formation spelling out “No Comment”, and street parties are encouraged, though attendees are advised to bring their own awkward silences.
The spokesperson also confirmed that further ceremonial elements, such as a public execution to boost tourism, will depend on “how things develop legally”.