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Number Ten has issued a warning message to all removal companies. Firms are warned that many Labour MPs are trying to wind up the PM by placing bogus bookings with removal companies to move him out of Downing Street.


An official sighed, 'We are getting two or three calls a week. The political mood is febrile and some MPs think it's really hilarious to book removal firms for Keir. So we are warning all removal firms about this childish stuff.


'For clarity, there is a short list of pre-approved removal firms. Companies that are not on the list will never be contacted about moving the PMs stuff. Companies that are on the list will always receive an order number that quotes the prearranged contact number. The pranksters haven't really thought things through.


'In similar vein, companies should ignore orders purporting to be from Downing Street to order valium, parachutes, escape capsules, diarrhoea medicine, bulletproof vests, tiramisu, body armour, tin hats, and white flags.




'People are slating the president for making himself out to be Jesus in a picture,' said a spokes-priestess for the White House. 'But Jesus is the fraud and Donald Trump's the real deal.


'You want miracles? Donald's got miracles for you. It's a miracle he got 75 million people to vote for him. It's a miracle he's not in jail. And it's a miracle that the assassins keep missing him with their bullets.


'What's more, we can prove Donald's the real Jesus because every time he says something, people mutter 'Jesus!''


'Fake news!' said Jesus Christ, speaking from the right hand of the Father. 'I have the best miracles. And parables. I have parables like you wouldn't believe.


'But I grant you this about Donald,' continued the Saviour of Mankind. 'He's really going to get crucified in the mid-term elections.'


Image: WixAI

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