Back Pack Solar Panels!

It might be a good idea to have personal wear-able solar panels fitted!

The cheapest ones are the dome shaped headset type, but they are best suited only to bald headed folk, and can interfere with brainwaves. The more efficient ones are the backpack type, or "over shoulder PV holder". these work better when one's back is facing south so output is diminished when facing Mecca, but a two Tier version is being developed.

The output can run several devices, such as a Pacemaker, Air pump for blow up dolls. curling tongs and rechargeable hearing aids. Any excess power can be exported back into the grid with a feed in tariff for pensioners who might need additional back up & they spend a lot of time out in the open during protests anyway.

A Nationwide network of pylons with recharging connections is being forced through the local court circuits, but these will only operate in the Chaos-with-Ed-Milliband frequency range (100 handstrokes per minute).

People are already being Charged by those in Power and a Series of test cases have have resulted in both negative outcomes for those resistors and positive capacity for future connected cases to be considered in Parallel.

But Tensions are running High and there a growing potential for protests to be galvanised into opposition and plug into an underground movement.

Image: WixAI

Sparky offers human rewiring service

An electrician, who read a Grauniad article which said sudden cardiac arrest is caused by the heart’s electrical system not working properly, has set up a human rewiring service.

He explained to Newsbiscuit that electrical wiring has moved on a lot over the years since electricity was discovered. Citing the lyrics of Randy Newman’s version of My Old Kentucky Home 'I got a fire in my belly

And a fire in my head', he went on to point out that house fires caused by dodgy electrics were once fairly common, but now much rarer, thanks to improvements in the components used, but anyone born before the 13th Edition of the IEE Wiring Regulations in 1955, is likely to have knackered relays, circuit breakers and rotted insulation on the wires, so is far more susceptible to things like sudden cardiac arrest and neurological disorders.

Watts Up Doc Electrics Ltd., the electrician’s company says it can do a complete body rewiring service in a day, replacing many of the parts with state of the art electronic components for less than most people imagine; and is inviting pensioners to call for a no-obligation quotation in the comfort of their home, with a 10% reduction on presentation of the coupon attached to this article.

Image: WixAI

An even duller day for Spanish train spotters than usual