Wind farm owners told to try harder

The vast offshore Seagreen wind farm wasted 77% of the energy produced last year, because the electricity grid can't cope.

'This is a familiar story of good intentions undermined by incompetence, poor planning and poor execution,' said a government spokesbody. 'We have spoken to all those currently involved - put the wind up them, if you like - and made it clear that 77% is not good enough. We are fed up of going round and round in circles on this.

'If the operator cannot improve on 77%, then we will act swiftly to set up a commission with wide ranging powers to look at options and report back. I can confirm that there will be subcommittees and that difficult decisions will be taken. That'll learn 'em.

'In the meantime, we've set the operator an interim target to get to 85% this year, and to reach 95% wastage by 2030.

'That'll take the wind out of their sails' said one blowhard.

Image: Jesse De Meulenaere (@jessefotograaf) | Unsplash Photo Community

Starmer scours the shops for that must have Xmas present

There is always one thing at Christmas that turns out to be the ‘must have’ present and is nowhere to be found.

Remember searching for that Tracy Island toy, or Pokémon, or Cabbage Patch dolls?

Everyone is afflicted, even the Prime Minister.  Keir Starmer’s top team are scouring all the shopping centres inside the M25 on his behalf.  And Keir himself has taken a long lunch break to search the shops on Oxford Street in London.  All to no avail.

Keir is desperately searching for the perfect Christmas gift for the UK electorate.  It is called ‘good news’, but this has been in very short supply since June 2024.  Keir has come close to finding some good news, but at the last minute it is always snatched from his grasp.  He’s even tried sourcing good news from overseas, but without success.

The ending of the two-child cap seems like good news, but if you don’t also raise the benefits cap, then it’s not as good as it looks.  Supporting our pubs seems like good news, but successive hikes in minimum wage and whacking up business rates have ruined that one.  Inflation coming down seems like good news, but if the price of food keeps going up, then that’s not so good.  Reducing electricity bills by £150 also seems like good news, but if you then load on all the costs of upgrading the national grid, then the good work is undone.

So, the search continues.  Good luck, Keir.  Only seven more shopping days to Christmas...

image from pixabay

Back Pack Solar Panels!

It might be a good idea to have personal wear-able solar panels fitted!

The cheapest ones are the dome shaped headset type, but they are best suited only to bald headed folk, and can interfere with brainwaves. The more efficient ones are the backpack type, or "over shoulder PV holder". these work better when one's back is facing south so output is diminished when facing Mecca, but a two Tier version is being developed.

The output can run several devices, such as a Pacemaker, Air pump for blow up dolls. curling tongs and rechargeable hearing aids. Any excess power can be exported back into the grid with a feed in tariff for pensioners who might need additional back up & they spend a lot of time out in the open during protests anyway.

A Nationwide network of pylons with recharging connections is being forced through the local court circuits, but these will only operate in the Chaos-with-Ed-Milliband frequency range (100 handstrokes per minute).

People are already being Charged by those in Power and a Series of test cases have have resulted in both negative outcomes for those resistors and positive capacity for future connected cases to be considered in Parallel.

But Tensions are running High and there a growing potential for protests to be galvanised into opposition and plug into an underground movement.

Image: WixAI