One consequence of climate change is that Summerween, the celebration of Halloween when it's actually warm, and considering getting air conditioning is properly a thing now. The average British consumer started thinking about air conditioning just after heatwave two, and also finds their purse stretched by pink skulls and piles of pastel pumpkins. It all feels like a dream where Count Dracula in Bermuda shorts is offering you blood orange flavour ice cream, and you’re very hot so you lick it, and then he says got you.
You look around your house, and you have a big white box throwing out cold and eating up your money even though you don't want to be part of the energy use problem. But you also want to sleep and to stop peeling bits of yourself off a leather sofa like in 1976 when the seats of an Austin Princess wanted to hang on to the backs of your legs, and you wanted to escape into the cool air of a Bejam's chest freezer.
In later stages of the dream a lilac coloured ghost is asking you to explain what a BTU is, while a cloud of lemon yellow bats fly round your room and Frankenstein’s creation wearing sandals and Speedos is in your kitchen eating biscuits from a light green jar shaped like his own head and muttering about late-stage capitalism.
It’s not doom and gloom for all sectors of British society however, pastel Goths are delighted with the unseasonal access to spooky stuff in mainstream shops. They are not trying to remember that a BTU (British Thermal Unit, the best thermal units in the world) is the amount of energy needed to heat one pound of water by one degree Fahrenheit. They are looking at which duvet cover and cushions covered in skulls/pumpkins/ghosts/bats best create their vibe.
Image: KELLEPICS - Pixabay
