Twenty million households in council tax bands A-D will receive a £100 "household energy payment" this winter, paid directly into bank accounts for help with rising energy bills.
However, with the energy price cap set to rise by a massive 27% in January, rather than turn the heating on, it might actually be cheaper and warmer to take the £100 out the bank and set fire to it.
With energy bills set to rise for millions in October as Ofgem increases the energy price cap by 4%, the Government is also expected to announce its widely-anticipated cap cap on Northerners.
From 17th October, there will be a limit for people in the north to own no more than two caps - one to wear during the day and one to wear at night in bed - in the hope that people in the south do not get caught out like last year, when a dearth of hats caused excessive banging of teaspoons against saucers in Royal Tunbridge Wells and the near-cancellation of the Royal Ascot Ladies Day.
Mr Tom Bowler, Minister for Headwear and Protective Coverings, is expected to encourage Northerners to donate any caps that they no longer require to those less fortunate in the south so that they, too, can stay warm in the winter.
'This is a good way that we can protect the environment and use less fossil fuels,' Mr Bowler said, 'so not only are we all able to help the Earth, but we're also saving money, too, by not turning on the heating. So I urge everyone int' north to donate any unused caps, hats and headwear to us southern jessies, so that we can all be safe and warm this winter.'
image from Google Gemini
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Tory leader Kemi Badenoch says the best way to bring down rising energy prices for struggling households and businesses will be to stop providing them with gas and electricity.
Party insiders said scrapping the supply of energy to homes would soon bring down household bills and help customers struggling with the cost of living.
Ms Badenoch said standing charges would remain the same and shareholders would need to be compensated for loss of income but the savings on energy consumption would cover any dividend losses incurred by struggling bond holders.
‘Using gas and electricity to heat your homes or power your business is clearly adding to the everyday cost of living.
Imagine a world without those rising energy bills and imagine a world where I was Prime Minister making difficult decisions on your behalf’.
However, under the latest Tory policy not all households would be affected by having their energy supplies cut off.
Households with an annual income of £100k would be exempt from cuts as they can clearly absorb the rise in energy prices and would not be affected in any way.
Drilling for oil and gas in the North Sea would be maximised as this would also bring down the cost of energy costs here in the UK to virtually zero. Just like it has ever since the first barrel of oil was brought ashore back in 1975.
image by Grok
