USA shows restraint by bombing rather than eating schoolgirl

The latest Gulf War is all about a growth mindset and controlling our Epstein urges. Said a psychologist: 'I'm really proud of the valuable work the US has done, an illegal war of agression is such a step forward from satanic pizza parties.'

One US General boasted: 'Current casualities are ratio of 1 soldier to every 50 girls. We're clearly winning the war on schoolgirls. If we knuckle down Iran will run out of kids, long before we run out of cannon fodder.'

President Trump would normally struggle to keep his hands off this many vulnerable girls, but it's much harder to do under so much rubble. Instead he showed great restraint by killing all of them inatead of fondling them, which Melania said is preferable.

Elon Musk buys the Epstein Files and renames them the X-files

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Disappointed your MP isn't named in the Epstein Files?

Don't worry, there's still three million emails, photos, snuff movies and unused rushes from the Melania movie to be released yet.  And don't forget, most of the files released have swathes redacted, so your MP might feature in there already.  There's only 650 or so MPs at any given time, so plenty of opportunity for them to star more than once, probably not as often as Nige, though.  Mandy might look like a rank amateur by the time it's all finished.

What is to say your immediate or distant family don't feature in the unreleased bits?  That creepy uncle from Swansea, got to be a good chance.  Your cousin who disappeared while on holiday fifteen years ago - hate to be the bearer, but you can't rule it out.  But notoriety all the same, eh? Unless there's something you want to get off your chest - before the next release!

Ultimately it's probably best for the entire House of Commons to resign today.  House of Lords as well, obviously.  The Royal Family should really look at packing their bags and heading to the job centre.  Or the Maldives, whichever appeals the most.  And while they're at it, shouldn't you hang your head in shame, just in case?

image from pixabay