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Don't worry, there's still three million emails, photos, snuff movies and unused rushes from the Melania movie to be released yet.  And don't forget, most of the files released have swathes redacted, so your MP might feature in there already.  There's only 650 or so MPs at any given time, so plenty of opportunity for them to star more than once, probably not as often as Nige, though.  Mandy might look like a rank amateur by the time it's all finished.


What is to say your immediate or distant family don't feature in the unreleased bits?  That creepy uncle from Swansea, got to be a good chance.  Your cousin who disappeared while on holiday fifteen years ago - hate to be the bearer, but you can't rule it out.  But notoriety all the same, eh? Unless there's something you want to get off your chest - before the next release!


Ultimately it's probably best for the entire House of Commons to resign today.  House of Lords as well, obviously.  The Royal Family should really look at packing their bags and heading to the job centre.  Or the Maldives, whichever appeals the most.  And while they're at it, shouldn't you hang your head in shame, just in case?


image from pixabay


Despite 12 million UK users, the infamous website was unable to find a single person who could recall using it. Explained a doctor. 'Amnesia can be caused by repeatedly beating the meat. Unrestricted bludgeoning of the beefsteak will create holes in your memory but, sadly, not in your internet search history.'


Too afraid to raise a hand in protest, particularly as their palms are hairy, the British public will have to focus on cold showers. Said one user, who wished to remain anonymous, but we’ll call Meter Pandleson: 'I’ve a friend who had to resort to this service, since their favourite island shut down. Losing Pornhub will be another blow, and it’s bad enough that they can no longer call themselves the Duke of York.'


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