According to the Epstein Files, Mr. Gates may have inadvertently got some Malware and Femaleware on his dongle. The billionaire denied using his RAM stick with a Russian interface, but struggled to explain why his joystick was covered in weeping sores.
The accusations have seen Microsoft shares plummet, but antibiotic sales have increased. The Epstein Island has also been referred to as one big Teams Breakout Room. While Mr. Gates wife has divorced him, citing an unwelcome probe request.
An Epstein survivor alleged: ‘He came at me covered in thermal paste. He said he was mounting his rock hard drive, through the backdoor, but I refused to get involved with his sticky fingers and Hotfix.'
Image credit: Wix AI
In an attempt to bolster falling popularity in the opinion polls, and possibly to deflect from the failure to release the Epstein files, the President is planning on a US-wide tour to raise his profile.
'I'm touring this great country bigly and I've been given a solid gold convertible car to drive through the major cities so adoring crowds can fete me,' said the President today, unfurling a large map showing his route from Washington Dead Centre to Dallas High Street, taking in every book depository and grassy knoll en-route, 'as that French loser Macron might say,' added the President.
'Apparently book depositories are great for vantage views for viewing Great Presidents,' he said, adding, 'and grassy knolls are pure confeve for watching from,' he said, noting that his red MAGA hat would make him 'easy to spot'.
Early reports are that every vantage spot is being occupied by citizens from seventy nations already.