The European Court of Human Rights will steal then eat your babies

Before your beautiful bouncing British baby has fulfilled its Brexitatious destiny, the ECHR will kidnap it and then consume its flesh. Or worse, teach it a foreign language. That was confirmed by one ECHR ninja, who briefly stopped over-riding the will of the British people to say:

'Everything the Tory Spartans say is completely true and accurate and is in no way wildly proto-fascist. Parliamentary sovereignty is for pussies. Who needs the human rights afforded by the ECHR anyway? Nerds! I doubt you need a fair trial, you look a bit foreign - or should I say guilty.'

One Tory MP expressed disappointment that more Tory policies didn't break international law, grumbling 'The Tories are the party of law and order in the sense that we want to order civil servants to break the law. Wait... did someone say "parliamentary sovereignty"? Quickly! Activate Mark Francois!'

image from pixabay

European $uper League win court case to become utter c$nts

The European Courts of Justice have ruled that the E$L can indulge in all forms of shithousery, even down to making the handball rule even more unintelligible. FIFA and UEFA had accused the ESL of undermining the integrity of football – which they said was their job.

A spokesman for the E$L – a Mr. S. Atan – admitted that it was all a ruse to spread misery, and despair, creating a purgatory where Spurs can never get relegated – but will still win nothing. ‘Primarily we want to destroy all joy in the game, so it was either this or go to watch Millwall.’

Asked just how evil the E$L can become, he said: ‘We’ll be setting fire to the Brazilian Rainforest, killing all the homeless and signing everyone up to spam emails - and that’s just for starters. Oh, we’ll also call it soccer as well.’

Image: Stable Diffusion Online - AI Image Generator (stablediffusionweb.com)

Firework-up-the-arse guy planning Euro 2028 display

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