The European Courts of Justice have ruled that the E$L can indulge in all forms of shithousery, even down to making the handball rule even more unintelligible. FIFA and UEFA had accused the ESL of undermining the integrity of football – which they said was their job.
A spokesman for the E$L – a Mr. S. Atan – admitted that it was all a ruse to spread misery, and despair, creating a purgatory where Spurs can never get relegated – but will still win nothing. ‘Primarily we want to destroy all joy in the game, so it was either this or go to watch Millwall.’
Asked just how evil the E$L can become, he said: ‘We’ll be setting fire to the Brazilian Rainforest, killing all the homeless and signing everyone up to spam emails - and that’s just for starters. Oh, we’ll also call it soccer as well.’