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Train Strikes Causing Classic Jokes To Fail




Train strikes have rendered the punchlines to classic jokes inaccurate and the revised alternatives just aren’t as funny. The popular joke asking what’s white and yellow and goes at sixty miles an hour is now; what’s white and yellow and goes at zero miles an hour? A striking train driver's egg sandwich.


A sandwich travelling very fast is an amusing image. A stationary sandwich is not. A fast egg sandwich is also likely to produce an eggy waft of scent, a static sandwich much less so.


A joke which often pops out of a Christmas cracker is How do you weigh a whale? Take him to a whaleweigh (railway) station! This joke now requires an addendum stating; there’s no point taking him to a whaleweigh (railway) station on Thursday or Saturday, because of the strikes.


This isn’t amusing, it’s just a potentially wasted journey with a big mammal of uncertain tonnage.


The punchline of there isn’t one, we’ve had to send the toffee by road instead, is a crap punchline to the popular confectionery joke what do you call a train full of toffee? This used to be a chew chew train! And was enjoyed by all ages.


The joke what is a train driver’s favourite footwear? Platform shoes! Is also not working very well but that’s because platform shoes were a popular shoe choice in the 1970s but not now, although since strikes have come back into fashion in a big way, maybe the platform shoe will too.


First published 17 Aug 2022



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Man who fails to knock out pub hardnut says “Now is the time for diplomacy”


A man who crept up behind the hardest bloke in his local pub and hit him with a barstool but failed to knock him out has said he feels “Now is the time for diplomacy”. 


Colin Sawdust of Oswestry was apparently stung by his girlfriend’s mockery when the local hardnut, Dave Concrete, accidentally jogged his arm as he walked past, causing him to spill his drink.


'It’s not like he meant to do it,' Sawdust protested, which in no way made his girlfriend think him less of a pussy.


Realising he would have to do something to prove his bravery, he decided he would hit Concrete from behind with a barstool, run out of the pub before he came round and never drink there again.


However, genetics had gifted Concrete with an abnormally thick skull and muscular neck, and he seemed barely to notice as the barstool shattered against him. Nor was he persuaded by Sawdust’s subsequent appeal that, whatever had happened up to now, they should put the past behind them, sit down and talk like adults in order to avoid further violence.


“In the face of such provocation, it would be unreasonable to expect me not to retaliate,” is probably what Concrete meant by pushing Sawdust face-first through the pub’s jukebox.


Photo by Victor Clime on Unsplash

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