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Trump awarded Knobel Piece Prize

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After an extended peacekeeping effort where he stopped upwards of twenty wars, not all totally imaginary, President Trump is to be honoured by Norway.  A select committee has been formed to instigate the Knobel Prize for piece.


'President Trump has been awarded the prize for ensuring he has grabbed, in his own words, any piece of pussy available.  On top of that he has strived to ensure Russia gets more than one piece of Ukraine,' said a Norwegian spokesman, adding, 'and he's a knob, hence the committee.'



Image credit: deep dream generator

Fiscal black hole to be solved by fraud initiative

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The government has run a trial project identifying benefit fraud where claimants leaving the UK for more than eight weeks have their benefits stopped. Claimants are expected to stop claiming in these circumstances but many don't.


The government set fifteen investigators who reclaimed £17M. They are increasing the number of investigators to 200 and hope to recover £350m.


'If that works we'll increase the investigator numbers to three million and we should be able to close the £80B black hole overnight,' said a government spokesman. When asked if some of the investigators could be used to look into large scale tax evasion by billionaires his microphone mysteriously cut off and he developed a serious cough so we'll have to get back to that question in a decade or three.




New Zealand to create Hobbit ethnostate

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Emboldened by the success of other genocidal maniacs, Halflings have decided to segregate New Zealand between those who get second breakfast and those that don’t. These little settlers have evicted rabbits from their holes and renamed the country Greater Shire.


Hobbits assert that New Zealand is their spiritual home, despite their European origins, and insist that ordinary bigfolk be purged. Pipe-smoking and gardening will be available to everyone, provided they are shorter than four foot and have hairy feet. When asked why they were killing innocent women and children, the hobbits claimed that Gandalf made them do it.


The US vetoed any attempt to block the hobbits and condemned the International Crimes Court for suggesting that hobbits were in the pay of Sauron. The US ambassador said: ‘It is anti-halfling to criticise the Greater Shire and they have every right to turn Gondor into a mole hill’. When asked, Smaug said: ‘I warned you.’




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