- BillClay
- Apr 28, 2023
Due to the recent defenestration outbreak in Russian and surrounding Oligarch properties, Putin was seen leafing through single story property brochures. Using the excuse that having another floor is a decadent western excess and stairs are for Nazis, Putin wants to always remain at ground level rather than being accelerated into it at 9.81 meters per second. There are only so many trampolines, inflatable ball pits and old mattresses that can be positioned under windows around his dacha before a burnt-out Lada on bricks wouldn’t look out of place.
A source stated that a large dining room for Putin’s preferred table is also essential.
A rescue plane was forced to return to Khartoum today after a group of rowdy drunken Brits harassed fellow passengers, sang the national anthem while standing on seats, and punched a flight attendant. The Hercules transport had already been delayed because a passenger insisted on ‘nipping out’ for fags on learning the duty free shop had been shelled.
An RAF spokesperson said: ‘We can confirm that our Hercules transport made an emergency landing in a war zone because that was preferable to continuing with a cargo of Brits. They sang the tune to The Great Escape in front of German passengers and tried to open the doors at 30,000 feet.’
Ryanair has confirmed that a fleet of its planes have arrived in Khartoum to help with the rescue operation. Thousands who were fleeing the conflict have decided to stay and take their chances.