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First his wife, now Andy Burnham’s female neighbours to be criticised for their dress sense


Andy Burnham's neighbours in Warrington are receiving fashion guidance to ensure that anybody in close proximity to the new PM meets the approval of online harridans who spend their time dreaming up ways to insult other women.


'I just saw a picture of a woman who lives down his road', one tweeted, 'terrible shoes. She's probably a murderer'.


'Woman in his local pub had false nails – and one was chipped' said another. 'Sure sign of a fraudster'.


So far all of the venom is directed at women, by women, demonstrating that feminism isn't just dead, it's been cremated and the ashes scattered in a junkyard at night under a full moon.


NewsBiscuit asked some of the critics for an interview but they all declined to be photographed. Funny, that.


Fashion designers confess: it’s mostly just insulation




The fashion world has been rocked to its core by revelations that clothing exists to keep us warm and cover our nakedness.


‘No, you’ve got that wrong’ said Stella (23), never been gainfully employed yet somehow expensively dressed. ‘Life is fashion. Fashion is life. What could be clearer?’


NewsBiscuit spoke to several fashionably dressed people in central London. They were all bloody annoying. All agreed that fashion is an art form, on a par with poetry or music. Or that other one.


Pablo (not his real name) is a fashion designer. He is wearing outlandish glasses and some kind of poncho. He only agreed to be interviewed on condition that we disguised his voice. After several attempts to explain that NewsBiscuit doesn’t have audio we gave up and promised to do it, so please pretend that this is being voiced by an actor.


‘I grew up believing in fashion the way other children believed in Father Christmas. All I ever wanted to do was make fabulous clothes for beautiful people. Looking back I can see that my Dad was disappointed – he wanted me to play for Aston Villa and drink pints.


‘Fashion school was a form of indoctrination. Insulation wasn’t even mentioned. We were terrified of missing a trend – I used to set my alarm for 4am so I could check out Japanese fashion websites and get a head start on the day. My best friend at college killed herself after a disastrous fling with moire silk. We all said it was for the best’.


If fashion disappears completely, nerds and fashionistas will be on more of a level playing field. Companies will have to do more in-depth interviews to filter out whichever type they don't want (usually nerds, unless the company actually produces something) and we might find more nerds successfully breeding. Whether that’s a positive remains to be seen.



Image from Pixabay by Pexels:



First published 17 Jun 2022


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