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Sound in the know by always saying: 'Insurance job'


Pub bores: Would you like to impress your dim-witted, dipsomaniac friends?


Just shake your head knowingly and mutter 'insurance job' whenever someone mentions a fire. You have no idea how worldly-wise you'll sound to yourself.


Practice with these examples:


Fire at a loss-making shopping centre in Scunthorpe - 'Tsk. Insurance job, I reckon.'


Fire which burns down Notre Dame cathedral - 'Tsk. Insurance job, I bet you.'


Fire which destroys a primary school in Gaza following an Israeli air strike - 'Tsk. Insurance job. Gotta be.'


Don't worry about your colleagues and acquaintances telling you what uninformed nonsense you're talking. They stopped listening to a word you say long ago.


However, with persistence, stoutly stating 'insurance job' in relation to any blaze you happen to hear about could land you a plum job with the Met Police CID.


You will then be able to spend your days making out that you have the inside dope on everything, while failing to solve a single crime for years on end.



Picture credit: nightcafe.studio

Avoiding Heathrow Airport Shutdown for Dummies

Updated: Mar 25, 2025



With the complete shutdown of a major international airport due to completely foreseen circumstances, many new measures are to be discussed at length and then not implemented, here are some of the better options:


• Four new “No Smoking” signs to be purchased


• The space saving “Stacked Power Back-Up Plan” to be reviewed. The aim was to build a third back-up generator on top of the existing back-up generator which was on top the main substation.


• Airport staff to unplug unused phone chargers to save energy in case of another major power shut down


• The new third runway will be able to be rolled up and put in fireproof box at night


• The reintroduction of wolves throughout the airport


• Risk assessments to be updated and maybe have the ones about being bombed by the Luftwaffe removed


• Candles to be used throughout the airport to reduce the annoying use of electricity and create a calming vibe


• Even though they are fun, have meeting about the real need for “Naked Flame Thursdays”




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