Reform Party to declare racists as an oppressed minority

The Reform Party is to take action to level the playing field for racists, addressing the perception that there is something wrong with them.

A spokesman, who clearly had something to get off his chest, gave us the following statement:

‘Racists are an oppressed minority, who should be protected from discrimination, ridicule and sneering. Other minorities are protected by law, and racists should be protected too.

‘We get shouted at in the street and when we go marching. Non-racists gang up on us, oppressing us with their massive counter-demonstrations. It’s cultural genocide. We should have freedom of association, but we are criticised for being pally with US racists. It’s perfectly normal to like someone’s posts, to buy their merch, to repeat their favourite slogans, and to amplify their rhetoric. Where’s the harm in that?

‘Racism is just normal behaviour. We all have prejudices. We have unconscious prejudices that we can’t do anything about. We all discriminate – I like him, I like her, but I don’t like them/they, for example. And we all feel antagonism – waiting for Virgin Media to pick up the phone, call centre operators that you can’t understand, the person who takes the last steak bake just before you get to the counter. And it’s not racist to paint red crosses on mini-roundabouts. We love the Red Cross. And their flag. And the England flag. And flags up lamp posts. All very normal. You shouldn’t get picked on for being normal. Being normal should be a protected characteristic.

‘So we are organising a Racist Pride march. The logo is different coloured fists, to represent all the many different flavours of racism. Nigel says he can’t come as he might attract the wrong kind of people, but he’s asked local Reform people to help out. We sent our application to march to the Charing Cross police station, and they said, yes, fine, no problem, we’ll sort out Sadiq Khan. Finally, we’re getting some respect.’

Hat tip to deskpilot

Image credit: perchance.org

Relief as violent, anti-asylum nutjobs now appear to be flagging

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Plan to cover UK in flags started by flag-maker

Head down a road in England today and you might think there was an impending fete or royal visit from the sheer number of Union Flags adorning the lamp-posts and foot-bridges. However this is all part of Operation Raise The Colours; a plan started on social media to cover the country in order to show patriotism and, according to local coordinators who have been swept up in the craze, in no way an act of jingoism.

There has been much speculation about who started this; from patriots attempting to emulate the United States, to far-right protesters attempting to stake claim to their country. However, through deep investigation that went to the second page of a Google Search, it can be revealed that the mastermind behind this is the owner of a flag making factory in China.

"To put it simply, I had a surplus after the Woman's European Championships," said Fly Canton, owner of International Weaving in Shanghai. "We thought there would be a craze, like there is when the men play, of flags at windows, on cars, worn like a Temu-Superman's cape. However, nothing of the sort took place and I ended up with a warehouse of red and white crosses. I thought of selling them to Georgia, but got browsing Tik Tok one night and saw the protests and fervent anger some people seemed to have against those fleeing war and atrocities and wanting to settle in a country they saw as welcoming and safe."

Canton was grateful to the UK authorities for continuing to help his sales, telling us, "It's great how they keep taking them down because people put them in dangerous places or don't bother to seek any permission. Every one pulled down is another one bought from me to replace it. Long may this craze continue! Or at least until the next World Cup, so I can justify the extension to my production line."

Back in the UK, supports of Raise The Colours were appalled at the revelation. "It's disgusting that this company has used social media to manipulate working-class people into what they think is the right thing but is really just lining their pockets, that's my job!" said Leader of Reform UK Nigel Farage.

https://pixabay.com/photos/flag-union-jack-union-british-2405962/

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