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Idiot groups of awful people are waging war on the extremist lifesaving RNLI and the Pakistani Cricket team, neither of which poses any threat to England, especially with that bowling attack. What are the new groups that will be soon facing “patriotic wrath”? Let’s have a look…


  • The Brownies – for obvious reasons

  • Food Banks – For causing the Cost-of-Living Crisis and being constantly being bailed out by do-gooding donation givers.

  • Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards – For wasting taxpayers’ money on frivolous investigations into common sense £5,000,000 gifts. Anyway, £36,000,000 in dodgy crypto is much more de rigeur

  • The Met Office – For using space lasers to control the UK’s weather and making it too hot and now a bit nippy.

  • Trees – The leaf dropping bastards…. Standing there, doing nuffin’…thinking they’re better than us…taking our CO₂….I hate them so much…


Image: Newsbiscuit Archive


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Another MP has offered advice to Britons worried by rising prices and facing financial hardship.


Noah Eydeer, the MP for Head-In-The-Sand, suggested that people who are concerned by rising prices should turn to singing to raise their spirits.


"I understand what a jolly rotten time members of the public are having, but people do have a choice about how they react in a situation and I think that singing is a wonderful way raise their spirits. Rather than spending time worrying about where the next meal is coming from or how they will pay the fuel bill, why not belt out a few verses of "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin or "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" by Monty Python.


The MP also suggested that if households have "Sing-offs" with neighbours outside the food bank, then that could lead to a stronger community spirit. "That would take their mind off needing to eat."



Author: urbanhermit



First published 18 May 2022


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