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Premier League to benefit from Chequers sell-off

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The government is to sell off Chequers, the official country residence of the Prime Minister. Officials have pointed out that Chequers offers poor value for money, due to the huge cost of maintaining the 16th century building and the large surrounding estate.  The sale proceeds are expected to exceed £42million.


Instead of using Chequers to host official meetings, officials believe that it will be cheaper for the Cabinet Office to buy boxes at each Premier League football club, so that they can be used for official government business.  Their accessibility, at clubs across the country, makes them far more convenient than a trip to Chequers, which is somewhere near Wendover. 

Wendover FC play in the Aylesbury and District League and do not have any boxes available for hire.   Only Greg Smith, the local MP, has ever expressed any interest in holding meetings at Wendover FC.


Premier League clubs will benefit from the extra revenue and the kudos of holding important meetings.  A key advantage of the scheme is that, as the use of the boxes will be an official government expense, MPs will not need to declare any benefits in the register of Members’ Interests.  Officials were unable to say if meetings would take place during football matches, or at other times, but did say that the boxes would always be made available to MPs if they weren't being used for meetings.



Fantasy Government League - Tory Disunited



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The next round of Fantasy Government League is already causing a lot of head-scratching for the manager of the Tory footer XI.


First of these is who to nominate as captain. Doubling up your points for that MP is normally seen as a positive thing. But if your selected player ends up with a negative score, twice that is worse than ever. So, do they stick with Sunak, or switch to a new captain? There are no guarantees. But then again, a real wildcard might just be the answer to their shortage of goals. Oh, if only they'd kept hold of that charismatic little tousle-haired blonde American lad. He might have been able to knock up a few.


Even if that problem is solved the next issue is can they field a full team? Many of the regular squad have already announced their unavailability at the end of this season. Others have suffered injuries - mainly shooting themselves in the foot. And several have been given red cards, meaning automatic suspensions. The usual response to this situation is to buy replacement players. But who would join a relegation-threatened side with further points deductions looming due to financial irregularities? Things have come to a pretty pass indeed when the Premier League is the moral arbiter of the Government.


Finally, if enough players can be found, it's not often that a team lines up with an unconventional 10-0-0 formation. No attacking forwards, no midfield strategists, and simply ten bodies from the supporters' club pressed in to service as makeshift defenders. Where, oh where, is that big red Brexit campaign vehicle? If ever there were a time to 'park the bus' this surely is it. A £350 million bribe to the Saudi league buys you nothing these days!

Isle of Wight football Superleague 'back on the table' after EU Court ruling


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A controversial planned Isle of Wight football superleague may be back on the table, after a landmark ruling by the European Court of Justice ruling this week. 


The superleague would see 10 of the Isle's biggest clubs teams break away from the local league system and form a new global elite competition, with the potential for matches between Shanklin Athletic, Ryde Albion and Cowes United to be streamed and viewed by billions around the globe on a weekly basis.


'We initially planned a superleague five years ago', said excited Ventnor Councillor with responsibility for Leisure and Sporting Activities, Len Wright.


'But we had to shelve it due to fan opposition, as well as insurmountable difficulties in arranging a fixture list which met TV requirements to stream matches to a global audience, but which also respected the fact that Sandown market takes place every Saturday and Thursday morning on one of the key municipal pitches that the football teams would play on'. 


'The ECJ ruling is really exciting, and we were able to present details of plans at our monthly 'Newport Natter' forum last night.'


'We have proposed that the winners of our league each year will go on to play in the Club World Cup, although Fifa have yet to get back to us on that', continued Wright.


'Failing that, we've pencilled in our own Global Champions Final between the top two teams to be held in Yarmouth on the second Saturday in April, just after the fossil hunting convention' .





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