Man City lead Premiership on hearings

Despite being only six games into the season, Man City have opened up an impressive gap between themselves and the other cheats. Even on court cases, for and against, Man City are set to win the league...and then get relegated four divisions, for breaking fair-play rules.

Using their formation of three at the back and eight in tax havens, the team have outplayed everyone when it comes to being sketchy. Their fluid grasp of accountancy and free-flowing use of bungs, has mesmerised HMRC.

115 hearings ahead, Man City are guaranteed to get into Europe via a Swiss bank account, and then on to the Cayman Islands. The Premiership warned: 'The only penalties awarded this season will be financial.'

Picture credit: Wix AI

Newsbiscuit contributor – ‘A moment of madness'

A tearful Robowurzel announced last night that he was considering stepping back from contributing to Newsbiscuit – allegedly a top 10 (of something) in the world of satire.

He blubbed: 'In a moment of madness, okay actually about three years, I have been posting tasteless, puerile, politically, grammatically and punctuationally incorrect material that hopefully someone would find offensive. However all that resulted was a few ‘likes’, but mostly silence.

'I realise I have let myself down. But more than this I have let down my family, my friends (not that I have got many), the postman, the dog next door, Boris Johnson and others too few to mention.

'Unfortunately news of my shame has spread. The BBC has approached me to ask if I would be interested in becoming a football pundit. I pointed out that I hate the sport and know nothing about it. In response they offered to double my salary.'

Photo by dlxmedia.hu on Unsplash

All over? It is now for Sven

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