European leaders have a Trump rota

Giorgia Meloni , the Italian Prime Minister, is having a media spat with Donald Trump about who wanted a selfie. The spat has been raging back and forth for a week or so.

Although the insult trading is mundane - business as usual for Trump - it has revealed that European leaders have a rota for scrapping with the US President.

Keir Starmer confirmed the existence of the rota when he said, 'I can neither confirm nor deny that there is a European Trump tantrum rota.'

Recent run-ins have included spats with Spain about Israel, with Denmark about Greenland, with Narnia about immigration, with Italy about defence, with Britain about windmills, with Ukraine about the war, and with France about marital relationships.

'It's easier to share the pain,' said a tired looking diplomat. 'It's such a waste of time. Trump only does it to impress his dimwitted MAGA supporters. So taking turns makes sense - a better use if our resources.

Next in the rota is rumoured to be the Isle of Wight. They're due to start a run in about technology - winding up Trump because the USA doesn't even have Ceefax.'

Image credit: ChatGPT

Today at 11:30 AM - Radio 4 broadcasts a report from France - 'From Our Rhône Correspondent'

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France Surrenders To 80-Year-Old Bomb; Nation To Be Rendered In Black And White

PARIS – The French government has formally surrendered to the 1940s this morning, following the discovery of a World War Two bomb that proved "too emotionally exhausting" to move.

As the news broke, the city fell into a practiced rhythm of despair. Citizens were seen weeping openly into their Emmental, the holes in the cheese providing a perfect metaphor for the emptiness of the human condition.

While other nations might use robots or controlled explosions, the French bomb disposal team—wearing ceremonial necklaces made of artisanal onions—opted for a more sensory approach. The device was neutralized by being smothered in ripe Camembert and left in the midday sun until the sheer, decaying funk of the dairy forced the detonator to lose the will to live.

As the bomb was rendered safe, a twelve-baguette salute echoed from the Arc de Triomphe. The crusty projectiles were fired into the air with such Gallic indifference that three of them stalled in mid-air and refused to land.

President Macron was later seen on the balcony of the Élysée Palace, staring blankly at the horizon while smoking four cigarettes simultaneously. When asked for a statement regarding the safety of the public, he simply exhaled a cloud of Gitanes smoke and whispered, "C’est la vie, and also, c’est le boom," before retreating into a dimly lit room to listen to jazz.

The government has announced seven days of national mourning, during which French life will be lived entirely in black and white. Pedestrians are required to walk with a slight slouch, and all dialogue must be delivered in subtitled, philosophical monologues about the futility of time.

Photo by Chris Karidis on Unsplash