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Convicted murderer, The Reverend Green, is to be released from prison after what’s being called a gross miscarriage of justice during the now infamous Cluedo Mansion murder case in 2009.


Green was sent down for a full life term without remission, following Mum’s revelation it was he who committed the grizzly murder using a length of lead-piping in the mansion’s stately ballroom.


However, that conviction is now being called unsafe after new evidence emerged accusing Mum of being a serial cheat at all family board games.


Daughter Tamsin confirmed Mum had once stashed an extra £500 note from a second Monopoly set, in order to settle a crippling fine that would otherwise have seen her crash out of the game after she landed on Mayfair which belonged to Toby who had a hotel on it.


Dad said: ‘You think you know someone and that they can be trusted, then they go and do something like this. It’s impossible to convict Rev Green now as we only have Mum’s word for it that the incriminating evidence was actually even in the envelope at that time.’


But Mum was putting on a brave face. ‘They can say what they like. I’m not worried. At the end of the day, this is all just over a silly trivial pursuit.'



First published 25 April 2023


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Convicted murderer, The Reverend Green, is to be released from prison after what’s being called a gross miscarriage of justice during the now infamous Cluedo Mansion murder case in 2009.


Green was sent down for a full life term without remission, following Mum’s revelation it was he who committed the grizzly murder using a length of lead-piping in the mansion’s stately ballroom.


However, that conviction is now being called unsafe after new evidence emerged accusing Mum of being a serial cheat at all family board games.


Daughter Tamsin confirmed Mum had once stashed an extra £500 note from a second Monopoly set, in order to settle a crippling fine that would otherwise have seen her crash out of the game after she landed on Mayfair which belonged to Toby who had a hotel on it.


Dad said: ‘You think you know someone and that they can be trusted, then they go and do something like this. It’s impossible to convict Rev Green now as we only have Mum’s word for it that the incriminating evidence was actually even in the envelope at that time.’


But Mum was putting on a brave face. ‘They can say what they like. I’m not worried. At the end of the day, this is all just over a silly trivial pursuit.'



A man on the bus is reportedly ‘very excited’ to cough in your face on the commute to work again, starting from July 19th.


The man, who will insist on sitting right next to you despite the presence of two empty seats across the aisle, has no plans to wear a face covering and will splutter in your direction throughout the journey to your workplace.

He told journalists he cannot contain his emotions, or his phlegm, after Boris gave the go-ahead to dropping public health recommendations yesterday. The man’s freedom, along with his hacking cough and profusely runny nose, shall no longer be shackled by central government diktats, he confirmed.


“Finally, the chance I’ve been waiting for,” enthused the man, sneezing profusely. “I’ve been spreading germs all over my fellow passengers for years, and am so glad to get back to what I do best.”


Other disgusting people are also rubbing their hands, amongst other things, at the prospect of so-called ‘Freedom Day’.


A pervy man on the tube is planning to invade your personal space again as soon as social distancing measures are eased, he announced.

“I have my shiny trousers all ready to go and my phone prepped to record.”


“The ‘stay at home’ orders of the last year have been tough for me because there have been far fewer women to ogle on the train. So, as soon as July 19th ticks around, I’ll be there leering on the Central Line, hand suspiciously in pocket.”


At the time this went to press, you were begging your boss to let you keep working from home.

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