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UK Gambling Commission punts £19.2m fine on 15:30 at Huntingdon



Already a record fine, this stands to increase by 15/2 if Stroll On By comes in. Payers William Hill, were surprisingly enthusiastic to fast track a new account opened by the Gambling Commission CEO.


The official response from the Gambling Commission CEO is “It’s a dead cert this one, this is so much fun, won’t be stopping at this current time”.


A William Hill representative says they will get round to checking this new account at some point, probably later this afternoon.





First published 31 Mar 2023


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Chancellor refuses to rule out tax on pets


The Chancellor, Rachel Reeves (at the time of publication), is due to give her doom-laden budget speech at the end of the month. Journalists are desperately trying to prize information out of her about what will be in it.


Most news stories for the last month, and almost certainly for the next month, revolve around things that the Chancellor has neither ruled in, nor ruled out. As media editors demand more and more copy about budget speculation, the questions are becoming increasingly unhinged.


One media outlet suggested that the government might reintroduce a pet licence costing £20 per cat and £50 per dog. The differential charge is because cats are better at covering it up, whereas dogs incur higher street cleaning costs. This tax would have raised almost one billion pounds. The Chancellor, however, refused to confirm or deny.


Also in limbo are suggestions about reinstating George Osborne’s pasty tax and caravan tax. A tax on tarmacked over driveways – because they increase rain water run-off – cannot be confirmed or denied.


Experts say that a tax on aeroplane meals is 'pie in the sky' and also say that it’s highly unlikely that the Chancellor would impose a tax on hens’ teeth. A tax on anchovies would be hard to collect and would be in bad taste. A proposed increase in gambling tax is described as 'pure speculation' and 25-1 against.


The experts also say that a penguin tax would raise very little money in the UK, unless the Chancellor decides to target the biscuits (or are they cakes?) formerly made of chocolate.


So there you have it. The complete absence of solid facts. And lots of ill-informed speculation. But plenty of copy.


If you have any mad ideas about taxing something stupid, saucy, or outrageous, please send us a message, and we’ll write it up for tomorrow’s paper.


Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

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