Soaring gas prices cause Crips, Bloods to carpool for drive-bys

(Los Angeles) Citing a recent dramatic spike in gas prices, leaders of several Los Angles Crips and Bloods sets say they will now share rides for some gang related activities, including drive bys. ‘We might not follow the law in many cases, but we are subject to economic laws just like everyone else,’ said Leeron “Li’l Money’ Waters, an economic advisor for the Crips.

Many Bloods agree. ‘Affordability is real; the struggle is real,” said a Bloods member on the condition of anonymity.’ The Straits of Hormuz is real.’ Both gangs said there are times when their interests coincide and carpooling is a great way to keep down costs. ‘Have you seen the price of ammo for Tec-9s and Mac-10s? Bustin’ caps ain’t cheap,’ said Waters.

Both gangs blamed the Trump administration for the high price of gas and other staples of gang life. ‘He said he was going to bring down the cost of living for families, but he hasn’t done shit,’ complained another Crips member. Inflation hits smaller businesses harder according to James Busfield of the Small Business Administration. ‘Economies of scale are not always possible for some organizations and fixed costs are hard reduce otherwise.’

Carpooling is not popular with some gang members, but many realize it is a necessary evil, at least for now. ‘We don’t like it, but in these difficult times, you gotta do what you gotta do,’ Waters said.

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Second House of Commons may be needed

We’ve all had that useless colleague, the one who swans about looking and sounding important but never does any actual fecking work.

For more than a century, Britain has had a special warehouse to store the worst examples, safely keeping them away from the workplace. Located in central London, the House of Commons has brought relief to hundreds of businesses over the years.

‘I didn’t realise how much she was pecking at my head,' said Jenny, a sales manager from Wolverhampton. ‘Then she got this ‘job’ as a – get this – Member of Parliament (hashtag made-up-jobs) – and swanned off. It was like a weight being lifted. The company’s doing really well now.'

Sadly, with the rise in access to higher education and crap TV like Love Island, the nation is teeming with useless people, and 650 places is nowhere near enough. Plans are under way to build a second House of Commons to house the useless. Possible sites include Cardiff, Edinburgh and Epping.

Last word goes to ‘Robert’ (his real name), one of the warehoused useless people: ‘We do really vital work here. I like pointing at cartoons and ordering them to be painted over to make children cry, but I also fight crime with a video camera. We’re all in different gangs. My gang’s the best. If I can make enough children cry, then they’ll make me the leader of the gang, and I’ll be able to make speeches on telly instead of Twitter. I don’t miss having a job, this is way better. On Thursdays, we have sponge cake and custard.'

Image credit: Wix AI

Turkish barbers say stop calling us 'Grooming Gangs'

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