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In what some see as a desperate attempt to double its viewing number, GB News has signed former football star Roy Race of Melchester Rovers to cover the World Cup. The popular footballist, famed for his bicycle kicks, double-nutted power headers and ability to score winning goals when every bone in his body had been broken, is seen as a coup for GB News.

Roy of the Rovers, as he was known at the peak of his footballing career, was overlooked by Sir Alf Ramsey in the 1966 World cup to the lament of his fans, who insist that had he been selected, Germany would have thrown the towel in at half time.

Newsbiscuit looked into the mystery of why Sir Alf declined to include Britain's greatest ever footballer from the team and discovered that Race refused point blank to be part of a team that had foreigners in it; or anyone who looked like they might have a drop of foreign blood in them, or even had a foreign sounding name.

GB News describe him as the salt of the earth type character that Britain lacks these days; and are optimistic that the football hero will not only inspire youngsters to take an interest in football, but encourage them to consider how great Britain once was, back in the days when football trains were being trashed by supporter


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Britain's most essential provider of health food, Walkers crisps, has announced a devastating flat-snack shortage. A spokes-muncher for the company said through a flurry of spraying crumbs, 'An IT glitch has caused a problem in our supply process because all of our crisps are 3D printed.'


'The whole nation is holding its breath while national treasure Gary Lineker misses meal after meal. He is completely dependent on Walkers crisps for breakfast, lunch and dinner, by cheekily pinching them from attractive young women on park benches.'


'Luckily, the tremendous people of New Zealand have offered an emergency donation of a massive potato they grew which could help save millions of British lives and, most importantly, Leicester's second-favourite son.'


In markets outside the UK where Walkers products are branded differently, there is an outcry of sexual frustration due to the lack of Lays.






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