Pub bores: Would you like to impress your dim-witted, dipsomaniac friends?
Just shake your head knowingly and mutter 'insurance job' whenever someone mentions a fire. You have no idea how worldly-wise you'll sound to yourself.
Practice with these examples:
Fire at a loss-making shopping centre in Scunthorpe - 'Tsk. Insurance job, I reckon.'
Fire which burns down Notre Dame cathedral - 'Tsk. Insurance job, I bet you.'
Fire which destroys a primary school in Gaza following an Israeli air strike - 'Tsk. Insurance job. Gotta be.'
Don't worry about your colleagues and acquaintances telling you what uninformed nonsense you're talking. They stopped listening to a word you say long ago.
However, with persistence, stoutly stating 'insurance job' in relation to any blaze you happen to hear about could land you a plum job with the Met Police CID.
You will then be able to spend your days making out that you have the inside dope on everything, while failing to solve a single crime for years on end.
Picture credit: nightcafe.studio
In his hardest-hitting tweet yet, Prime Minster Keir Starmer has criticised Henry VIII for his ‘uncalled-for, and frankly quite nasty’ conduct towards Catholics.
Starmer is believed to be gradually working his way through ‘bad things that have happened’ and is on course to finally do something about the Gaza genocide – for which Britain is an official Sponsor - ‘at some point in the late 21st or early 22nd century’, according to government sources.
Palestinian amputees, gradually wasting away as a consequence of the blockading of international aid, expressed gratitude that the horrors of the Dissolution were finally being recognised.
Picture credit: deep dream generator