top of page
Search

Oh, NOW the BBC are biased?


With the resignation of the Director General, many viewers have been left asking - why did it take so long? Said one viewer 'If BBC bias didn't exist, how do you explain the coverage of Gaza or - even worse - the laughter track on Mrs. Brown's Boys?'


'If the BBC weren't peddling propaganda how do explain the obsession with Nigel Farage and that Man Utd always feature in Match of the Day?'


Finally the Beeb has been forced to apologise for depicting Trump as a fascist, which he was fully capable of doing all by himself. They let editorial standards change- they just didn't say in which direction. And they promised never to get caught faking the news again, the key word being 'caught'.


Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

Tories cackle in anticipation as BBC searches for new boss


'Hunting down and culling BBC director-generals is the one blood sport still legal in Britain,' bayed a Tory Party spokes-hound as the rest of his pack slavered and cackled at the fun to come, 'so we're going to make damned sure the next chase is especially gruesome.


'Tim Davie was a tricky one to catch. He was the greased pig of British broadcasting. We thought we'd got him on the Gaza documentary, and then the Bob Vylan chant at Glastonbury, but he slipped our clutch each time.


'The ideal person for us next to pursue and slaughter would be someone who has gained years of editorial and management experience at the very highest levels but who actually hasn't a clue what they are doing, and will blunder into any trap set for them.


'That's why we're pushing for Boris Johnson to get the job.'



What do you mean, you’ve had enough of the horrendous, sickening news?





'And as the conflict in Israel and Gaza enters its fourth week, we now bring you pictures of the carnage caused by an Israeli airstrike. And we can tell you that they're even more distressing than anything we’ve shown you before...


'Why are you turning off your television?


'Good, we’ve got you on the radio. These are the sounds from inside a hospital in Gaza City of grief-stricken mothers and fathers, wailing pitifully…


'Why are you hitting your radio with an axe? That’s not going to stop the war, is it?


'I see you’ve locked yourselves in the bathroom and are watching a video of an adorable puppy chasing its tail. We’re going to interrupt that to play you interviews with a Hamas leader and an Israeli politician, in which both try to justify slaughtering thousands of innocent civilians…


'No, don’t throw your device down the toilet. We forbid you to do that!


'And don’t light a bonfire with those newspapers before you've read them. Don’t you know how much trouble we take to bring all the horrifying details of this war right to your doorstep?


'We’ll stop at nothing, you know. We’ll hire town criers to shout this stuff at you in the streets.


'That's because reporting this atrocious conflict has made us all clinically depressed, so we’re damned well going to make sure that all of you are clinically depressed, as well.'




First published 30 Oct 2023


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
















bottom of page