People of Ukraine & Gaza forget their suffering

The people of Ukraine and Gaza forget all about their suffering - being bombed, shot and/or starved, and being generally f*cked about by Donald Trump and his arse-licking acolytes - in their ecstasy at learning that some singer (?) has become engaged to some footy player.

'My family have all been killed, I've been seriously wounded and my home and all my possessions have been destroyed' said one happy man. 'But hey-ho!  Who cares about minor inconveniences like that?  I couldn't be happier, knowing that this couple are set for a lifetime - or at least, a week or so - of wedded bliss.  I can't stop thinking them all day long, and at night as well, when I am kept awake by the noise of bombing, shelling and gunfire.'

Image credit: deep dream generator

Tony Blair to save Palestine...for dessert

The Grim Reaper in chinos has decided to be a c$☆% again, but proposing a solution for the Palestinians. How final it is, is yet to be seen, but he promised to toast a ceasefire with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

The Tony Blair Institute (TBI) has already suggested cleansing Gaza, and Tony was very keen to finish what he started. He boasted, Oasis were not the only ones revisiting their 90s war crimes.

Dubbed the Harold Shipman of Peace, he hoped to return to the scene of his war crimes. Blair warned that Palestinians were 45 minutes away from launching stones at the UK, but 600 hours from their next lunch. Meanwhile the TBI would create a road map to peace - just don't look to see who is buried underneath it.

Image: gerhardy - Pixabay

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Trump resigns over Ed Davey snub

The President has cut short his second term, all because the Lib Dems were a bit mean. The US has been plunged into a constitutional crisis because the mighty Ed Davey has said he will not attend a dinner with Mr. Trump – although it is not clear if he was invited in the first place.

Said a Lib Dem aide: ‘Sir Ed had been careful to choose the right moment to fight back against Trump’s Gaza policy. He could have made a speech or voted in protest but oh no – that would have been too easy! Instead he carefully bided his time by dicking around a space hopper for six months and then refused to eat his pudding. Nelson Mandela would be proud.’

Trump is said to be shell-shocked as no one had said no to him - ever (other than half of the electorate). When the US Ambassador was asked if Ed Davey had shaken America to its core, he replied: ‘Who?’

Image: Alexas_Fotos - Pixabay

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