Following their bravura appearance at the World Cup Final – which included Animal making out with Madonna off-camera – FIFA has confirmed that its current head, Gianni Infantino, is to be replaced by Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy from the Muppet Show.
Infantino’s position had become untenable after his scheme to sell stakes in the World Cup to private investors met with widespread criticism.
It is the first time the organisation has had shared leadership and the first time the body has been co-led by a female. It is also, of course, the first time the organisation has been led by a frog and a pig.
Infantino said: “I am stepping down with my head held high because FIFA has just delivered the most profitable World Cup ever. I wish the Muppets the best of luck. People have been saying for years that FIFA has been run by a bunch of muppets. We decided to make it official.”
Kermit said: “Thank you Mister Giannibarmy Infantileideaseweezy. If you’re stuck for what to do now, Miss Piggy’s stye always needs cleaning. How’d you like to buy a stake in that?”
Other members of the much-loved TV show and movies are expected to be given senior positions to be announced in due course.
Statler and Waldorf, the two grumpy old guys in the box who heckle performers and gripe at each other, are expected to be offered roles as Directors of International Outreach. “Hey Walt. International Outreach eh? Last time you reached out they closed that Strait of Hummus again…”
“Well if it was you Stats, it’d be the Strait of Hernia…”
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